Am I being naive or is this right?

[wewereonabreak29]

Hi everyone, just wanted some advice. I'm nee back to the dating scene having just got out of a divorce. But here goes.. I'm 28 if this helps.

I met a guy recently on a night out. First night out since divorce etc. We exchanged numbers and got along well. He's not local to me. After a few weeks of talking to each other every day he was going to be in my town so we met up and slept together. A few days after that he went quite distant and didn't reply to a message of mine for over a few days. I felt that was pretty rude considering how close we had got over the few weeks and the fact that we had sex. He basically ignored my messages and I just wrote this off as a bad experience.

Few weeks later he messages again, apologising saying he didn't know what to say to my message calling him out on being rude and he felt like we were in a relationship too quickly by expecting instant responses and getting annoyed when I didn't get one (which I really don't think I was!)

But anyway, we smoothed it over. And everything was fine again. We were then both in the same place because of our work schedules so decided to meet up and yes had sex again. I've not heard from him since. I sent him a message yesterday which he has ignored and it's been over 24 hours.

He just used me for sex didn't he? I just didn't see this coming, thought he seemed pretty genuine.

He's not looking for a relationship with you, but you had fun.

I don’t like his behaviour. After sex a woman feels vulnerable and he offers no reassurance to you and then goes silent. I wouldn’t respond to him if he gets back in touch with you again. Chalk it up to a bad experience and run for the hills if he reappears!

Fool me once shame on you,fool me twice shame on me.
Yes you are being naive.
No the way he treated you isnt right.
Block his number and move on.

He has no manners. Block him before he comes round again.

He’s happy to message you every day when it’s building up to getting a shag but once he’s got it he can’t be bothered. I wouldn’t believe any of that ‘it’s too soon to text back straight away’ crap. He just wants sex, which is fine if that’s all you want, but if you’re looking for a relationship I’d give him a wide berth.

Chalk this one up to a learning experience. Block and move on. Next time, if you're looking for more than the casual, don't have sex right away.

Yes there was a lot of effort put in when it was leading up to sex. That's hitting the nail on the head. I just don't know why someone would put that much effort in. I'm not local to him, the sex wasn't a sure thing. I think I was pretty naive to think he was apologetic the first time around when he's done the same thing again! And god just being ignored like that is so infuriating!

Unfortunately, I agree with everyone else. He got what he wanted and he's probably got more girls on the go, which is why he takes so long to reply. I'm sorry, people can be awful!

I just don't know why someone would put that much effort in

Some (Namalt blah blah blah) blokes will say/do anything for a shag. They like the feel, they like a challenge. It's also possible he isn't single, which is why he's up for pursuing casual sex a long way from his home town.

Over the age of very early twenties that kind of behaviour should be a massive turn off to any woman. I don’t know why it provokes such counter intuitive handwringing in so many of us. And don’t this type of men know it🙄
Kick that shit to the kerb and find someone who either respects you enough to be clear he want commitment free sex. That or a man who is actually looking for more and doesn’t piss about.

You deserve better!

Lesson learned block and move on. Otherwise he'll be back in touch when the urge is there again

thank you everyone, everything you've all said makes absolute sense. Some people can honestly be horrible, I'm discovering that more and more now! Just annoying this is my first experience since the divorce.

Don’t waste your time this guy is a jerk. If he was serious, he wouldn’t be treating you like this.

To be honest I wasn't looking for anything serious either, but I just didn't expect to be dropped like this. I find it so rude to not even reply.

Big hugs, I came out of an 8 year relationship and was single a year without wanting to date anyone. Finally met a guy who treated me just like this guy you talk about did. However mine dragged on for months before he finally admitted he would never commit to me. I slept with him this time last week - was meant to go over as 'friends' but obviously we can't be. We now haven't spoken in a week. I'm disgusted that men can act this way, but they will if we continue to let them. As others have said, block and move on. Let's find someone decent. Don't let this put you off, just realise it's a lesson learned. Jump too quickly into something and a guy will treat you as a bit of fun.

Yes it was, but calling him out on it wont change anything. You did that and he did it again anyway and will probably do it again to someone else.

I'm in exactly the same position OP.

It's an awful feeling. I feel used, silly, angry etc. Users.

If he contacts me again I won't be replying. He's an arse and like a pp said we deserve better.

I do feel really used. I mean it was only a few times and a few months or so but I would have appreciated total honesty and for him to say it's just sex. I wasn't expecting a relationship to come out of this at all but the I would definitely expect someone to have the decency to reply to a message.

I was used for a long time for sex by a total narcissist some time ago and this really didn't feel that way. I just felt like it was too much effort just for sex. But now I know it was just a shag. God the lengths people go to for a simple shag!

I understand where you are coming from OP. I learned this lesson the hard way too. He was only interested in casual sex so don't contact him again, move on and find someone who has more respect for you.