Not sure love is enough

[PMdesi]

I am fed up of DH's drinking. He knows there is nothing that I hate more than coming home to him drinking, yet came in at 6pm from working to find him not drunk but definitely under the influence and now not going to work himself(he is nightshift) . He says he is angry and needs it to relax cos he didn't get paid, so went and bought lager with the last money in the house til his wages go through. He won't get paid until Monday at least. When I stupidly argued that missing a shift is cutting his nose off to spite his face he called me a lazy cunt because i only work 25 hours. I feel that I have no come back to this. When we are good we are very good. He loves me and our DC's and is very kind. I love him but do not think I can keep having the same arguments over and over. He has no intention of changing. He can become aggressive when drunk, but not everytime.

I know this post points him in a very negative light, but that's how I feel right now. When we are good we are great together.

Aside from any issues he may have with his drinking habits, he is behaving like a toddler. Getting drunk and not going to work when there is no money in the house for his partner and children are not the actions of a decent man.

Given that he has no intention of changing, then the drinking will at best stay the same, or eventually become much worse. Is that what you want for yourself, or your children? I don't think you have much of a role model for your children.

I wouldn't stay with him...

It is sad but very true that love is not always enough. If you have tried talking to him and he is not for getting help then you have to prioritise yourself here. If he can’t see the problems in his behaviour then he will continue and you can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change.

It's a horrible way to live and I urge you not to keep putting up with it.

Sounds like my parents relationship. Honestly, as someone that grew up in this shit, just fucking leave him.

How can you love this person?

I second xpc.

What lesson are you both teaching your children?

Did he ever take into account the hours you work
AT HOME?

I'd get rid. He has given up anyway.....

Reading this sounded exactly like the situation I was in and how I felt 4,3,2 years ago. Finally had the guts to finally say ‘enough is enough, I deserve better.’ Two months now on my own with the kids, he has gone back to his mothers, and is complaining like mad that he has changed now, yeah right!! So why couldn’t he change all those other times I asked him to stop drinking and get his job sorted out...
Sending you hugs, you will eventually be strong enough to say ‘nah this isn’t how I want me and my kids to live’...

It really hurts my heart to think about leaving. When he is sober he is kind funny outgoing. The thing is he was brought up to think it's normal to drink until you are blind drunk and believes he deserves to drink. I just really really want off the merry-go-round him binging and us fighting . When arguing earlier tonight he said he would find somewhere tomorrow but he has said this before and either goes to a friends to get drunk and then comes back or won't leave the house at all.

Magnolia, what you say rings true for me about him not changing when it counts. How do you manage the days in the aftermath? How do I tell DC?

All those sweet little old ladies say it is, but it isn't.

He gets aggressive when he's drunk sometimes. Frankly, one day you'll be saying sometimes he's quite nice when he's drunk. At some point, he'll be drinking every day, getting drunk and aggressive every time, being violent - kicking doors, blocking you, and then it'll be a little pinch or a slap, and then he'll throw something and it'll get worse and worse and one day you'll wake up black and blue and you'll be wondering "how did this happen".

Love is not enough, no.