Hello
First time posting on here but I’d be so grateful of some advice please. Apologies in advance for the long post - I really don't know what to do.
I’m separated from my husband of 14 years, we have 2 boys. We separated back in the summer and stayed living in our family home for 6 months. He is still living in the family home and I’m living in a second, much smaller rental home that we have – he wouldn’t leave the family home and it became unbearable to live there with him. We share the care of the children (me 20-ish days a month, him 10-ish days a month). We’ve agreed that he’ll pay £400 per month maintenance once our properties sell (the family home needs some repairs before it goes on the market which he is undertaking). I am paying all the bills in the second home and he is paying for everything in the family home (both have v low mortgages although the second property is slightly more). He is also paying my gym membership, second property management charge and my share of a long term loan that we have which adds up to about £170 per month. He refuses to contribute any more other than paying for the odd pair of shoes or after school club membership. I’m receiving my part time salary (approx. £16k) plus WTC. He earns approximately 3-4 times what I do and he also gets cash payments which he does not declare. He took the family car away when we separated so I bought a car (funded by a loan).
We have discussed him contributing more but he feels that he does enough and says that his money “is not your business”. He’s had several holidays since we’ve separated and has joined a private members club which is a couple of hundred pounds a month. He runs his own business. He’s told me he can’t afford to pay any more and to retrain and get a better job if I want more money. He sees any maintenance as supporting me rather than the boys. I received a free consultation with a solicitor when we first split (which with hindsight was too soon) and they have now suggested mediation. I have no problem with that (and neither has he to be fair) but he’s made it clear that he will only declare his official income, he won’t declare any cash (which is quite a significant part of his income) so I can’t see there’s any point – we wouldn’t be starting from a level point. I’ve no idea what to do now or if indeed I should just shut up and be content with the current situation and revisit when the properties sell (that will be months, possibly not this year). I can’t find anyone else around here to do a free consultation and my solicitor is £360 per hour. He is also pushing for a 45/55 split on the house which I don’t feel is fair. Again, he tells me to get a better job if I don’t have enough money to buy a property.
Any advice would be brilliant. And if you’re still reading, well done!!