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Relationships

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Original poster

The "where are we" chat

21 replies

Flairhead · 06/04/2018 09:06

OK not quite a "where are we" chat since we're not actually together. But long story short, I ended up kissing a guy from work at the Christmas party after he told me he liked me. I don't know this guy all that well, but he's nice and we get on well enough.

I haven't seen him that much since then as he's been working away, but at the weekend he sent me a challenge on an online game we both play and sent me a message saying 'loser shows boobs'. There was a bit of flirtatious banter for the rest of the afternoon but had to stop for a while as I was due to go out that night with some friends.

Anyway later that night I'm messaging him again, one thing led to another and some revealing pictures were exchanged.

We've seen each other at work since then, not for long, just a quick hello, but I'm wondering now what the story is with us. I'd be open to having some kind of fun with him but I'm not in a place right now where I can pursue a relationship. Would it be a good idea to have a proper talk with him about what both of us want to happen between us, before either one of us gets in too deep, or should I leave it just now and see what happens?

OP posts:

category12 · 06/04/2018 09:13

Oh I wouldn't have sent those pics . You work with him.

Original poster

Flairhead · 06/04/2018 09:20

I do trust him to make sure they don't end up in the wrong hands though, and he trusts me to do the same. Not about to break that trust.

OP posts:

category12 · 06/04/2018 09:26

I know I'm old and that, but imo the order of things should be, chat, go for coffee, dates, have wild monkey sex, develop attachment, be in relationships, then possibly send naughty pictures. But as I say, old.

category12 · 06/04/2018 09:28

I mean really, a covenant of trust built on a quick snog at the Christmas party and some texting?

Oneapenny · 06/04/2018 09:29

I probably would have had the where are we chat before the naked photos.

Original poster

Flairhead · 06/04/2018 09:50

I do trust him. I've no reason not to, we both promised each other they were for our eyes only. It's done now. What I want to know is should I ask him for a chat before anything else happens, or wait and see if anything else happens first? This isn't something I've done before so I'm not sure what to do.

OP posts:

NotTheFordType · 06/04/2018 10:06

If you're up for a FWB arrangement then yes I'd have a chat.

I do trust him. I've no reason not to
Well one major reason would be that you don't know him on much more than a colleague level.

As for "he also sent me dick pics", men don't get slut-shamed for that, whereas "FGS Flairhead everyone in the office has seen your tits now, how could you be so unprofessional" is a very realistic scenario.

Never send to anyone any picture, video or message that you wouldn't want to see uploaded to a porn site.

PrettyLittIeThing · 06/04/2018 10:32

Sounds like he's after one thing anywy do just go with the flow. I personally would have had the chat before sending the pics aswell but then again I wouldn't have sent them personally.

Coconutspongexo · 06/04/2018 10:38

It doesn’t really sound like the start of a relationship to be honest

user7680 · 06/04/2018 10:42

Ask him out for a drink... hey what are you up to tonight? It’s Friday after all. You’ve already seen naked pics of each other you might as well proceed to the real thing. I would

DamsonOnThisDress · 06/04/2018 11:06

If he was showing signs that he was interested in a serious relationship then I'd say have the chat, but a kiss at Xmas followed by nothing, then flirty texting and pics doesn't scream out serious relationship. Sounds like he's only after a bit of fun too so I'd just go with it (albeit without the photos. That's your business. Not for me. I can't work phones. Would end up sending my mediocre rack to my mother ) and have fun if that's what you want.

I don't see a need for the talk just yet. If he's looking to date I'd perhaps mention it face to face during. Not least because I'd feel a bit ridiculous saying "I don't want anything serious" in between pictures of nekkid bits.

Original poster

Flairhead · 06/04/2018 11:19

I really don't think there's any danger of the photos going public, I don't believe he'd do that, no faces were shown either and people wouldn't believe it of me anyway.

He knows I can't say to him that we can give us a proper go, so he might be OK with just some fun if the opportunity arises, judging by some of what he said he would be, but should I clarify that with him now, or wait until said opportunity, which may be a while away. I may be overthinking this somewhat but it's not a situation I've ever been in before.

OP posts:

category12 · 06/04/2018 11:21

And answering your actual question - I don't see there's a need to have a talk - there's nothing much happening. It's now April.

I'd give it a push into actually doing something. If you want a shag, then say "sooo what about it then, big boy" (or something) . If date, then say "sooo what about a drink sometime then?"

something2say · 06/04/2018 11:46

I think you're about to make a mistake...

You can't start anything for some reason....yet you are starting something....? What for? For one or both of you to start having feelings, feeling anxious and wondering when it's going?

Yet, you can't start anything? Why are you doing it then?

Don't get me wrong, I've done this. It took me stopping, sitting down and thinking and asking, what am I actually doing here? I know how to stop things in their tracks, how to stop putting something out rher and to block attempts from men. I can do that now and bring this situation under control.

I'd advise you to really ask yourself whether you can take someone's heart in your hands right now, and give your own, and if not then don't.

Strangers3018 · 06/04/2018 11:48

God, do people have no standards these days? 🙁

YoucancallmeVal · 06/04/2018 11:57

In your op you described him thus : I don't know him all that well...we get on well enough
That doesn't sound like a person i would want to snog, let alone put a camera down my pjs for. Just because you kissed and exchanged pics doesn't mean anything has to happen at all, so if you aren't that into him, just leave it and forget him.

DamsonOnThisDress · 06/04/2018 12:04

What do you mean by "he knows you can't say" you want something serious?

For me a lot depends on what it is that's making you not want something serious.

If you genuinely just want fun and know you can manage that without anyone getting hurt then grand, go ahead.

But if there's some significant issue that's stopping you getting into something even though that's ultimately what you'd like go cautiously. Be sure that it's not going to get messy.

I trust you know the situation yourself and will protect yourself (and him). If you're getting vibes he's hoping for more then talk to him and be honest. And always be honest with yourself about what you want. Don't settle or compromise yourself. Have fun.

HollowTalk · 06/04/2018 12:04

You've really been stupid sending photos of yourself to a virtual stranger, especially one who works with you.

It sounds as though you're involved with someone else - if so, leave this guy alone.

MargoLovebutter · 06/04/2018 12:10

I don't see that there is an "us" here at all. You've snogged, flirted online and madly sent body part photos. If you want to have "fun" with him but not get in too deep - then that is a conversation to be had and you need to define what "fun" and "too deep" mean, so that everyone knows where they stand.

Currently, I wouldn't think there is anything going on at all!

Original poster

Flairhead · 06/04/2018 12:36

What happened was I split up from my ex about 6 months ago, it was very long term so that's why I'm not in a relationship kind of headspace right now. I know I've said I don't know him very well but I have known him for a few years, it's just that we don't work in the same department so I only really see him on work nights out and things, whenever that's happened we've always chatted and had fun (not that kind of fun) so he's really not a stranger.

There was talk of sorting something out between us so I might give it a week or so then see how he feels about that.

OP posts:

WeeMcBeastie · 06/04/2018 19:42

Whether anything happens between you or not I would be very careful about sending photos to work colleagues! A guy I work with, late 40s, married and obvious creep, asked 2 younger female colleagues to send him photos... all the guys in work have seen them and everyone knows of their existence! I really wouldn’t be sending photos to work colleagues whether your face is in them or not.

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