He’s manipulating my kids now

[Sunnydays78]

I left a emotionally and mentally abusive marriage over a year ago. He is so manipulative, he’s manipulating the kids. He’s been a suite towards my daughters in the past and a terrible incident with my oldest resulted in me leaving. My son has stayed with him virtually all the time but my daughters have been with us both. Slowly but surely I see him gaining control over my kids, he will stop at nothing to win and it all gets twisted back on me. I’m trying to regain a little bit of control by going up to my old house to see my son but his dad takes great delight in telling me he doesn’t want me to be there.im terrified for my kids and I just don’t know what to do.

*abuisive

This is what’s called “parental alienation” and it’s against the law. The courts will remove custody and access from a parent if it’s proved that’s what’s going on. You really should go see a solicitor and get their advice on this. What he’s doing is illegal

He has them all thinking it’s their idea. I’ve gone up this week and just been in the house but my nerves are shot with it all. It’s like he drip feeds them everything I do is seen as a negative. It’s still my house now he’s threatening that I can’t go up when I want to. I think I can but not sure.

How old are the dcs?

This is a hard situation. It's not very productive to try to go head to head with him, because someone who has not conscience will always outgun you. I think you have to concentrate on making your own relationship with your dcs as loving and drama-free as you can. Don't let him provoke you into showing an emotional reaction or anger or whatever in front of them, because he'll use that as ammunition ("Look how unreasonable she is!")

It will probably be easier with your dds. I think it might well be hard with your ds for a while, as he is much more exposed to what his dad says and spends less time with you to see what you're actually like compared to what he is being told. You just need to be patient. Keep things drama-free, always keep the door open for him. There are no quick and easy solutions - it's about being a constant, loving presence.

The kids are 18 and 15 year old twins. Part of me feels like going back is the only option

I think the kids would benefit from counselling if they'd be willing and if you can afford it.

I’m getting it just now. I think I’ll suggest it.