I've hurt her and her trust

[Crzycambs]

Me and my girlfriend have been together 5 and a half years, I love her more than anything else but I make silly mistakes.

I found out 3 years ago that she was offended when I got off to porn, she basically kicked off, cried slot and stopped talking to me for a day. We had a big chat the next day, and I told her I would stop watching porn as it affected her.

Being the fool I am I eventually broke that promise, she knew as she's not stupid. Recently our sex life has hit a bump (once a week normally) and she found porn on my history whilst she borrowed my phone.

She kicked off on Sunday and hasn't really spoken to me since. I've tried to get her to talk about it a few times, but she claims that she can't believe me and therefore doesn't see the point. I asked if she wants space and she said yes, but I feel like taking about it is the best solution as it's awful seeing her so upset.

Also whenever I try to talk about it she says we already have, which I understand.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

Increased penis size?

Did it shrink from all the fapping?

Apparently so!

Women who don't want their partners to use porn generally do so for these three reasons:

1. The women who perform porn are, in the majority of cases, at least exploited, often abused. You will read and hear people, including the women themselves, arguing that they are making a free choice, but if you dig deeper, you find stories of financial desperation and past history of abuse.

1. We know that we don't look like the surgically and photographically enhanced women that you are getting off to, plus we are too tired, busy etc to gasp with delight about the size of your dick etc (plus it's probably pretty average, anyway) and if we think you prefer to get off to these fantasy women than to have sex with us, that's pretty much destroyed any sexual confidence we ever had and the consequence of that is to kill our sexual relationship with you.

If you genuinely want to rescue your relationship you are going to have to convince her that you find her more sexually desirable than your porn women which is a bit of a problem as you've kind of demonstrated the opposite up until now.

Two reasons! There were going to be three - the third was about how unrealistic the sex portrayed in porn is, but I thought that was sort of encapsulated within my second point.

Its okay for her to be anti porn. It’s also okay for you to do what you like with your own body whilst watching porn

What ISNT okay is expecting you to change your behaviour simply because she’s insecure.

As long as you weren’t choosing porn over her I don’t see the problem.

If someone tried stopping me from watching it, it would be a huge red flag. What next, is she gunna stop you watching movies with naked women in?

If this is an addiction then you need help. However, if your downloading apps to prevent yourself from accessing porn simply because your girlfriend doesn’t like it, you need to have words with her/yourself.

Oh for god sakes @Chippyway, Read the thread! he IS choosing porn over sex with his gf and possibly addicted by his own admission. He's lied and gone back on a promise and broke her thrust by his own admission. Fucking "cool girlfriends" 🙄

What ISNT okay is expecting you to change your behaviour simply because she’s insecure.

FFS a BF who watches porn all the time instead of having sex with his GF is a porn addict, why should any woman want that?

My H doesn’t choose porn over me, however I still hate the secrecy and lying and frequency. OP your partner may feel like me, in my case I don’t have an issue with masturbation at all , I have an issue with ‘needing’ to constantly view this stuff. If it was every couple of weeks or away in hotels then ok , but it isn’t, it’s like thecwords ‘I’m popping out for a few hours ‘ are foreplay. I would say if it’s affecting your marriage ‘get a grip’ (and not in that way)

What ISNT okay is expecting you to change your behaviour simply because she’s insecure.
He has an app to help him stop. Surely that proves there is an issue.

She wants space, you want to talk. Thing is you have talked before and it resulted in you carrying on as per and lying. Clearly there is no need for her to talk anymore because she knows you talk crap.
You say you want her to be happy so let her go and find herself a man that actually wants sex with her and doesn't lie.

Use private browsing / incognito mode

Use private browsing / incognito mode

This is the worst advice I’ve seen onMN. Ever.

You hurt your partner? You know what you need to do to stop it happening again? Lie better. honestly, pathetic.

There are a lot of people heavily invested in facilitating men's ability to use women to service them sexually.

I don't have an issue with porn. Rather than lie find and sneak around...you'd be best finding a woman who isn't bothered with it.

I don't see it as a right or wrong issue. The issue is when porn affects your sex life.

This isn't a cool girlfriend thing.

There are women who also enjoy watching porn...but it just doesn't seem to affect their sex lives...at least not in a negative way.

Anything that's done in excess becomes a problem.

Pornstars consent to the sex they have you know? For the purpose of satisfying men so they can make money?

Yes and women consent to being paid what they’re paid in other roles even though men earn far more - that doesn’t mean their choices condone patriarchal oppression.

The porn industry is full of abused exploited people. And messes up male expectation of women and sex.

Lol patriarchy ok.

Porn desensitises men. My husband admits to being a porn addict. He's wrecked our marriage as he needs increasingly more graphic and hard porn to achieve the same outcome.
I really feel for your partner, nothing devalues a woman more in my opinion.

@Antislut so is it to satisfy men or make money?

You'd have to speak to the pornstars some selves. In interviews I've seen some say they enjoy the sex and the money is an added bonus. I just notice how quick some women are to take away agency from women doing a job they don't approve of.

The porn industry is full of abused exploited people. And messes up male expectation of women and sex.

This ^

Why don't you think about what she wants, what she's actually already said,to you. SPACE.

She wants space, give her space. If you never hear from her again then that's your answer, if you do hear from then great. LISTEN.

And not space "because you're going away for the weekend anyway" type space. Space for as long as she wants it, so no accidentally phoning her, or bumping into her or whatever. Leave her alone.

Frankly, you sound like an entitled arse who has no idea of how to even consider someone else's feelings, let alone put them first.

Sounds like a bad habit to me.
Lying is not a good basis for a relationship. I don't know why she's with you.