How would you feel?

[undesirable00]

Me and my husband have a pretty rubbish sex life, we have sex probably once every 6-8 weeks. I have a high sex drive, he told me, after loads of arguments and asking him why he doesn't fancy me anymore, he just doesn't want to do it. He won't go to a doctor or anything. Both early 30's. Been together 8 years, this problem has been going on for 4 years. But I've just found out he watches porn. Now, I'm not a fan of porn, but I know most men watch it, but the fact that he doesn't want sex with me but is watching porn has really bothered me. Am I being unreasonable? Or would it bother anyone else?

That would bother me massively

That would bother me.

Is he affectionate? Has he said or implied in any other way that he doesn’t fancy you?

He’s not too young to have an erectile problem and could be embarrassed to tell you.

It would bother me. To me that says his sex drive is still there but he just doesn't want to have sex with you, for whatever reason.

No I would be fuming!

It’s possible the porn has become an addiction and desentised him to normal sex, so he can only get aroused by increasingly hard core, violent or fetishistic stuff.
If he would agree, try getting him to go cold turkey (not a euphemism!) on the porn for a month, then see if he would be more interested in sex with you.
If he won’t try the experiment, or still can’t muster any enthusiasm, you only have three choices left:

1. live as a celibate nun for the rest of your life
2. take a lover and remain married
3. ltb. Your call, really OP.

He's never said he doesn't fancy me, he just says he doesn't desire sex. He's always said it isn't me. I've told him I could live with it, if he goes to the doctors and does what he can to sort the problem out, but he won't. He's rarely affectionate, gives me a cuddle in bed sometimes but rarely any kissing etc. It's got to the point where I no longer try because my confidence has been destroyed by being rejected so many times.
I don't know how often he watches porn, only seen it on his phone today.

I would LTB.

Do you have children?

If not, leave him to his wanking and find a man who wants to have sex with real women. Or alternatively find a woman, or be single. Any of those options are better than living with a porn-sick man who can't fuck anymore because he's been addled by porn.

Yes we have 3 children. Thank you for all your replies. He told me I've blew it all out of proportion and I'm over reacting. Which is typical for him anyway. There's only so much a person can take.

I've been in the same situation before. I'm not sure why but it bothered me so much! I was so angry and cried. I think it's the fact that he's getting fantasising about other other women but wouldn't touch me. I ended up saying if he ever watched it again I would leave as it made me feel so undesirable! Since then, he hasn't watched it (to my knowledge) I know others would argue that it's only natural but in a way I see it is quite disrespectful to your partner so am completely against it!

I agree kate, it's not the porn as such, it's the porn instead of me that I'm struggling with.

Women do not need to apologise for loathing the fact that their husbands or partners have made themselves impotent because of porn. Men do not have a god-given right to wank in front of film of very young, exploited women and women have the right to find it distasteful and to choose not to respect men who do that.

I'm not sure how to go about solving a problem like this, because the fact is the problem is that of your husband and only he can solve it. In order to do so, he needs to recognise that it is actually a problem. The fact that your sex life is dreadful, should be a wake up call that his marriage is in trouble. Here are some articles which may convince him: here are a couple of articles to give you and your husband something to think about. fightthenewdrug.org/3-reasons-why-watching-porn-is-harmful/

www.telegraph.co.uk/men/thinking-man/scary-effects-pornography-21st-centurys-accute-addiction-rewiring/

Thank you, I will have a read now.

It's one of (the many) reasons I left my ex husband.

I even tried sending him a sexy video once. I was upstairs he downstairs and what did he do? He ran to the kitchen grabbed some kitchen roll and wanked to it instead.

Fuck you. Dump his arse if he isn't willing to change.

Fuck you? Fuck him. 😂 sorry OP