Anxiety about husband working with his ex mistress

[Mamacooper]

Ok, here is the background this woman who was once a mutual friend of ours, actually our point of contact that myself and husband used whilst in the navy .we knew her for three years and she was lovely became a good friend. We got engaged and everything was awesome. A month before the wedding I found they had been sleeping together when I was at work ..I was destroyed, however We got married and five years later we have two beautiful children and a happy home. We cut all ties with her and worked on our relationship. However she has just got a job where she will be working with my husband on a daily basis and I don't know how I feel. Part of me wants to cry and be sick as it's bringing back awful memories. The other wants to rationalize it as it's in the past. But I can't. I don't want to over react either. Honestly anyone got any advice ???

This is not a lack of maturity on your part PLEASE don't feel guilty for worrying about this I think anyone would be.

I think I can guess where you are and think you may even be near me, and it is a very small town, but she still could be keeping her distance (she could also have given management a heads up herself to let your dh know before she tipped up and she chose not to).

I do think your dh needs to know you will be tolerating no bullshit on this issue. Total transparency needed. If she's been moved to another dept do they even need to be having any contact now?

How are you going to deal with it though? There are not that many options. He quits his job, or you accept that they will be working together. What would he need to do to make you feel secure and not worry that something is going on?

If indeed, it is circumstantial that she is there, then it's totally possible that they have both longed moved on and it won't matter one bit. Is she married, with someone herself now?

If it were me I'd have to tell him change jobs or the marriage is over. You'll never be okay with this ever!
I wouldn't have married him at all but that's no longer an option for you.
Not his fault she has started working there. But he caused the shit in the first place.

I trust him I just dont trust her. It’s abit ironic isn’t it given you married a cheat and knownly did so you before you choose to walk down the aisle and prelude. You will always be looking over your shoulder with him. He is equally responsible in the affair.

Usually I'd say change jobs too but if op and dh are where I think in the industry I think it's REALLY not that easy.

I don’t think it’s got anything to do with you needing to grow up. I’d feel very angry and not ok in your position. I’d personally make him move job. I wouldn’t be having any of that rubbish. You get what you demand and it’s really not on.

I’d be very uncomfortable with this. It sounds like changing jobs is also pretty difficult ie there aren’t alternatives. Can something be worked out so he doesn’t have to work alongside her? You need to tell him how you feel.

It's nothing to do with you growing up at all.

Nobody in your position would be okay with this. In fact I'd question anyone who didn't bat an eyelid about it. It's perfectly normal to feel as you do.

I still loved him

But did he love you? Or enough not to cheat on you.

made him Sign a prenup

One with an infidelity clause?

I cant imagine how difficult It must have been for you to go through with the wedding after that. Really tough.

Nope I'd be very angry.

it's not ideal.. but I'm not sure what you can expect him to do.. he didn't interview or employ her .. finding another Job might not be that easy... Do you think she has deliberately sought out a job next to him OP.. is this your fear ?

DOOMED