Am I being selfish

[1moresurvey]

Advice needed please.. met my ideal partner OLD 7mths ago, hit it off instantly, i was separating at the time so a bit complicated on my side, my dp was single and knew my situation, not thrilled but stuck with me and was my rock throughout it all, helped me get my new place up together, was there for me when things were good. Was there even more for me when things were bad, when things were fucking shit dp was always there for me. Dropped anything min notice reply to a message never failed me once. Got me through without complaints and understanding my commitment to my 2dds first and foremost.

Now I fear I'm failing her..

My dds don't know about dp so we don't see each other when I have them. 40/60 split with stbex. I have other interests also which take up a bit of time and run a business. Dp has older dcs who I know so has more time to give to a relationship. Rarely complains about it, and always happy and turns me to a melting mess just with her smile and loving caring personality.

I can't stop thinking constantly about dp, we get on so well on every level, but feel it's not fair to her not be giving as much as perhaps she wants. Dp thinks maybe I went from my marriage although over long ago, to relationship with her too quickly.
We tried to separate a while ago nc but just couldn't do it. I love dp and she loves me I have no doubts about it.

How do I get a happy resolution to this?

Thanks in advance

Well, I hope your epiphany lasts. Good luck

isetan realised I do love her more than I thought, by this posting may be that is what the mn community is for..waking us up to our self before it's to late. Hope it's not to late for me and dp. Dont want to see the future without her

There are a number of issues here. Firstly the fact that your children doesn't know about her. Why? You are now separated so she might feel that you don't want to make her official because you have something to hide. Do you invite her to family events?

Then there is the issue of you needing your own time maybe more than she does. This was the situation when my OH and I got together. He adored me, but he had a lot going on in his life and he needed to focus on these other things to. I, on the other hand missed it and wanted to be with him whenever we could.

He acknowledged that this made him very nervous about moving in together. I explained to him that when we did, it would actually be easier because just knowing I would be spending the night with him would be enough for me. We did move in together, and sure enough, he found himself having more freedom than before, to the point that at times, the roles are reversed and he is the one moaning that we don't do enough together!

You need to have an honest talk. If indeed one of the reasons you fell out of love with your ex partner was that you felt smothered, replicating this is not going to work.

swingofthings Dp is very different from stbex, loving, caring, takes interest in me my day, always wants to know I arrive safe when travelling via any means and any distance. Makes sure I eat worries if I look like ive lost weight as can't be looking after myself! Will often just take upon herself to do chores at mine to help out, these are things I never had from ex but dp views as normal, I see as amazing show of affection.

Dds we agreed to not introduce into the mix early on but sure they would get on fab, so no the family dos dp has not been to either as dds are there. Once it caused a argument as felt she was being kept a secret but really not like that. Important people know about her and that is not always family.

You're all take take take aren't you OP? All your posts are about what your DP can do for you, even your compromise about spending more time together is including her in your hobby rather than you trying to share in something she might be interested in (or even just some down time). And I totally get why she feels she's being kept a secret. If family are not important to you then just tell them if it's important to her.

I understand she is different, but you posted yourself that she complained of not having enough of your time and you said that having time for yourself was very important and one reason things went wrong, unless you meant something else. It's lovely to get a lot of attention when you've been deprived of it for a long time, but if you are indeed a person who need your own space too, it could easily turn into feeling smothered.

And sorry but if you've been with her for 7 months now and you were not having an affair with her, then it is quite disrepectful that she still hasn't been introduced as your partner. Surely you can arrange dinner with your family when you dds are not there.

It is making me (and therefore I can imagine her) wonder whether you were really going through separation when you met her as you probably told her and you don't want her to meet your family because they could be telling her something different. How much time do you think is long enough after a separation to introduce the supposed love of your life?

So to spend more time with her she gets roped into YOUR hobby?

Might of said it wrong swingofthings to share interests is spending time together which is what we both want and need to move forward. I don't need to do it alone and have space from her so to spk, I would like to have her share in my passion as it's a big part of who I am. Just as I will share in her pastimes also.

Take on board all you say about introducing to family and will make steps in this direction. Nothing untoward about the way I met her and knew all from start. I don't think I am good at sharing our limited time and like to be one on one.

I hope this has made you wake up, you've said a lot about what she does for you but nothing about what you do for her....you've even considered dumping her to 'sow some seeds'. I just hope you can give this woman what she deserves as she sounds pretty amazing tbh and deserves the same back....if you can't stand up and be the person she deserves then you need to let her go as I'm sure there will be others out there who can.

Blimey... this could have been written about me!! (Obviously the dp) virtually a mirror of my relationship!!
Even your name would kind of fit too! Spooky