I am forced to choose between sides

[alittlelostsoul]

Recently my friend and my best friend had a big fight and now they just hate each other. After the fight, both of them were trying to get me on their side and now are getting mad at me for staying friends with the other person. They are trying to convince me not to be friends with the other person. I feel like the friendships with both of my friends are breaking. I feel pressured and I don't know what to do... I don't like to choose sides and they are both great friends.

Can you not say to both of them that you value both of their friendships but this is not your fight and have no reason to take sides. What was the fight about? Are they likely to make up at some point?

Well they actually never really got along with each other. I told them that I value both friendships but that makes them feel like I'm not loyal to them and are not a good friend.

And I was the one that brought them together before the fight happened.

Sounds like everyone needs to calm down a jot, and remember they aren’t in junior high school (unless they are!).

You’ll have to lay down the Law of Adulting with both, saying that you respect their wish not to be invited to socialise together (for the time being) and that you expect equal respect from them not to pressure you to take sides, or see the other friend less. State clearly that you won’t be drawn into conversations about the other friend, unless it is to facilitate them making up. Tell them clearly that they risk losing another friend (ie you) if they don’t start behaving like grownups. Do it on text and compel them to accept your terms by return text. Same text to both, make it clear what you’re doing. Then back off both friendships a bit until the initial drama dies down.

Be prepared to police your boundaries. If one starts up again with you, change the subject twice, then end the conversation/outing on Strike Three.

Or, y’know, get new friends with EQs higher than their shoe size.