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Original poster

Why is he like this?

34 replies

Hiddenmeaning40 · 04/04/2018 17:37

I’ve name changed, again. I need some help understanding the behaviour of my male friend. We’re both single, I’m so attracted to him but although sometimes I think he feels the same, he never does anything about it, so perhaps he doesn’t.

He says such lovely things to me. In the last week he’s told me that I’m beautiful, funny, clever. He’s told me that meeting me has made him a happier person and before I went on holiday he told me that he was going to miss me ‘on every level.’

Why would a man say such lovely things but not demonstrate any physical interest?

OP posts:
Cobblersandhogwash · 04/04/2018 17:48

What's he like with other women? Massively flirtatious? Shy?

He could be playing you.

When was his last relationship? How did it end?

You know what, I would go on holiday and have a wild time, putting him completely out of your head whilst you're away.

Original poster
Hiddenmeaning40 · 04/04/2018 18:00

He’s not like this with other women, our friends have commented on how different he is with me (they’ve known him for much longer than I have). He’s kind, considerate and tells everyone who will listen to him how great he thinks I am - but then does absolutely nothing to indicate that he might be interferon being anything more than friends.

Last relationship ended tragically- his girlfriend died. He hasn’t really had any long term or successful relationships in the last five years (lots of dating and one night stands).

Thanks for replying, I really appreciate having another view point.

OP posts:
Schmonday · 04/04/2018 18:02

Sounds incredibly like someone I know - he isn't 6ft4 is he?

lanbro · 04/04/2018 18:04

I have a friend like this...he says he wouldn't want to spoil something great and we're at different life stages (I have kids, he doesn't plus is younger)

I'm a que sera sera type so don't stress over it and just enjoy the friendship!

Original poster
Hiddenmeaning40 · 04/04/2018 18:05

He’s definitely over 6ft, but I’m not quite sure. I hope it isn’t the same person Grin, just in case though, what’s your take on him?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hiddenmeaning40 · 04/04/2018 18:06

I have kids, he doesn’t - that could be it, couldn’t it!!

OP posts:
Schmonday · 04/04/2018 18:34

Does his name begin with M and is he a pianist?

Original poster
Hiddenmeaning40 · 04/04/2018 18:36

No, that isn’t him. Phew Grin

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 04/04/2018 18:40

Just enjoy the friendship and take the compliments.

Original poster
Hiddenmeaning40 · 04/04/2018 23:30

I know I should, and I am, but the comments make me like him more and it feels really sad.

OP posts:
LoveforPGTipsMonkey · 05/04/2018 01:04

Could it be that he is sure (for whatever reason) that you are not interested, hence doesn't make any 'physical' moves?

SoleBizzz · 05/04/2018 01:05

He is gay.

Mellodrama · 05/04/2018 01:25

I thought exactly the same as @SoleBizzz before I even got to the end of your OP - gay? Hmm

Josuk · 05/04/2018 01:27

OP - we can’t tell you - none of us really know him and possibilities are endless.
However - you actually see this man in real life - and can talk to him and ask him directly.

Or at last - ask him out, on a date - and see how it goes. Drop some hints. And if he isn’t responding - ask. Use words.
And it’ll all be revealed.
What do you have to lose, really???

If he likes you but is shy/careful - it’ll give him a nudge.
If he is in ‘friends’ territory - then you’ll stop wondering and move on.

No?

ALittleBitConfused1 · 05/04/2018 06:37

I think my best friends are funny clever and beautiful and I tell them often.
I think my friends are great and I miss them when I don't see them for a bit.
He may genuinely feel those things as a friend but nothing more.
It doesn't mean he's gay or that there is anything wrong with him not wanting anything else.
Ime if a man wants you as more than a friend he will do something about it.
This man doesn't seem to be so I would just assume he isn't interested in anything more than a friendship and leave it at that.

StrawberryLaces0 · 05/04/2018 06:51

I have the exact same thing OP. He is so sweet in his messages to me. And the things he says definitely make me like him more. But there is no taking it further. But I've found he is messaging someone else (secret gf) that he hasn't mentioned to me. So there it is. Why he messages me the way he does now just confuses me. I'm sure the gf doesn't know either. I'm upset and angry at times as I feel I'm just an 'in case' but then I think what right so I have....he's not made a move of in a relationship with me. Maybe it's just his character and as a woman I read more into it because I want it to be.

OldBook · 05/04/2018 08:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cobblersandhogwash · 05/04/2018 08:25

Sounds like these chaps are simply using you for an ego boost.

Telling you sweet nothings, watching you melt and enjoy it, knowing full well it's very seductive.

I would just briskly brush off their comments and say, "Yeah well, we are good friends and I hope we always will be."

Shut it down because it's nonsense.

RidingWindhorses · 05/04/2018 08:43

He may like you but not be willing to take on your kids.

Smeaton · 05/04/2018 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StrawberryLaces0 · 05/04/2018 09:03

OldBook......it's been over a year we've had this close friendship. I've not said how I feel as I'm sure he knows anyway. It would hurt my pride to have that actual rejection by saying something. Why he's not said about secret gf....guess I'll never know.

Remember OP....if he wanted to be more with you he'd make it obvious. We're worth more than ifs and buts and maybes ladies xx

ShatnersWig · 05/04/2018 09:12

Ime if a man wants you as more than a friend he will do something about it

Can I just present it from the other side? As a man with female friends, if I developed feelings for one of them - which fortunately hasn't happened - I would need to be 100% sure they were reciprocated before doing anything about it. Because the likelihood is if they don't feel the same, the friendship is over. Female friend of mine had a male friend of many years ask her out on a date as opposed to just friends. She was horrified, thought he'd only been her friend to try and get more from her, and cut him off, and has never seen him since and for ages was all "he ruined it, I don't want to talk about him".

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/04/2018 09:38

Last relationship ended tragically- his girlfriend died.

This would have a massive impact.

You say he has hand one-night stands and flings but no long-term relationship since then. Perhaps it is because he actually has feelings for you. Is feeling guilty about his deceased partner. And doesn't want to jeopardise your friendship by making a move...

Why don't you make a move and see what happens? Ask him out for a drink.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/04/2018 09:39

*had not hand!

Original poster
Hiddenmeaning40 · 05/04/2018 10:46

Thanks everyone for giving a view. I can’t believe this is happening to so many of us.

Those talking about the possibility of him being gay, that has definitely crossed my mind. It wouldn’t surprise me at all. Perhaps this is the answer.

Either way, I need to try to stop being so pathetic and move on. Easier said than done though, I think.

OP posts:
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