My fiancé broke the engagement after 3 months. It came as a shock because he made such a fuss to propose- flying over to visit my family, and ask my Dad for permission, bringing them all to dinner and splashing out on an expensive engagement ring. He did all this of his own accord- I put absolutely no pressure on him.
We were very happy for a time but then I found out I was pregnant and I didn’t feel we were financially ready. He wanted to keep it and felt we could move in with his Dad. My parents and best friends live in another country so I would have no support, and his mother and father had an abusive relationship so I was wary of living with him. I felt it was the wrong time and I decided on a termination. He accepted my decision at first, but as the weeks bore on and I was really suffering with sickness, he offered no support and became cold and distant. One night, while he was drinking, we had a massive argument and I retreated upstairs but he followed me and put his hands on my throat. I thought he was going to kill me. Afterwards, he apologised and begged me not to leave so I felt sorry for him and stayed, on the condition that he wouldn’t drink again. On St Valentine’s Day, I was grumpy and sullen because I felt so sick and nauseous all the time. In retaliation for my moodiness, he drank the entire bottle of champagne that he bought for me. I knew that it meant he had broken his word, but it seemed like he was the nearest I had to support during that time.
Immediately after the termination, things appeared to return to normal but as the weeks passed he grew less affectionate, and more withdrawn. He accused me of being a poor communicator but when I did listen, all his problems were caused by me and this unfairness annoyed me. When I tried to explain my side, I was interrupting or starting a ‘pissing contest’. On my birthday, he didn’t get me a card or a present but he brought me to dinner (paying with the joint account). He didn’t make much of an effort that evening. The following evening, I had a flu and was feeling under the weather. He said he wanted to end things.
I understand there were a lot of problems, and I’ve had a lucky escape in many ways, but I can’t understand why he would propose and promise a future and then change his mind a few months later. It seems like he’s a different person now- he’s become so cold. All he asks about is whether I intend to leave our place to him, and he keeps demanding the ring back. If I give it back, he promises to pay the rent for us both but he’s broken his word before. Besides, he has all the furnishings and has been soending my money since we began dating, leaving me with no savings, so I don’t want to give it to him. I know it’s crazy, but because I promised to, I intended to stick with it, weather the storm, and find solutions to the problems. He said that was the kind of relationship he wanted. I’m grieving because it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under my feet. Any advice would be much appreciated.