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Original poster

Have I just been future faked by and On Line Dater?

17 replies

goldiehawn1 · 04/04/2018 16:11

I met a guy online just under a year ago. I was just separating from my husband at the time but we hadn't started divorce proceedings etc. I was completely naive to OLD and potential pitfalls...

From the outset this guy I met was extremely full on, heaps of text messages, and calls daily. Within a few months, he had come on holiday with me twice and was declaring undying love.

Fast forward 6 months and he started pushing for me to get my husband out of the house, get my divorce sorted and generally move on with my life. He always told me that this was because he was keen for us to start a more permanent life together. I was absolutely bowled over with his love and enthusiasm for me and did as he asked, pushed away my husband (which was an inevitability anyway) and fast forwarded my divorce.

Fast forward 11 months and we had been looking at properties to buy together when all of a sudden, we have a mini disagreement, he wakes up the next morning and says we are not a match and he is off!

To say, I was blindsided was an understatement. I have tried to unravel what went wrong and apart from a few disagreements, there was really nothing else to suggest that anything was wrong.

Whilst trying to get my head around the idea that I am never going to see this man again, it has got me thinking that I might just have been future faked...? It was the same pattern with the girlfriend before me too. Full on love, holidays, living together to him ditching her in a cold manner about a year on.

The way he just cut me off in such a hateful way, the no contact, the coldest of messages regarding collection of items when two days later we were looking at homes and holidays just leaves me completely bewildered.

Have I just been future faked or is it just a case of he's seen whats on offer and doesnt fancy it anymore?

OP posts:
fannycraddock72 · 04/04/2018 16:14

Sounds like you’ve just dodged a bullet!

letsdolunch321 · 04/04/2018 16:16

How bizarre!!!

bobs123 · 04/04/2018 16:20

Future faked? Is that a thing? Weird! Maybe some men just like the chase and early days relationships, or are just unable to commit

MaudlinMews · 04/04/2018 16:21

Can you tell us what the argument was about? Was it different to previous disagreements? This may help us shed more light on it.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 04/04/2018 16:23

What is future faked? Confused. Whatever it is, more fool you for allowing it to happen against your will.

fannycraddock72 · 04/04/2018 16:23

He sounds like he was ‘lovebombing’ you too, trying to come across as your soulmate etc..both lovebombing and future faking are a classic disordered persons traits.

Whatever it was or who he is is irrelevant..what normal person just ups and leaves after a minor disagreement?

Don’t be surprised if he circles back around and tries to ‘hoover’ you back up..another classic sign. Or if he moves onto to someone new within a matter of weeks or even days.

Seriously sounds like you’ve been lucky and can leave him behind without getting into financial commitments with the guy. I know it’s hard breaking up with someone you thought you may have had a future with but you really have dodged a bullet by the sounds of it.

Good luck

Original poster
goldiehawn1 · 04/04/2018 16:41

Thank you for your replies .

The disagreement was about the payment of a bill after a meal out. It wasn't the fact that we were splitting it that miffed me, he put down less because I had a glass of wine WineConfusedffs and I thought what a stingy b.....d. I didn't want the incident to pass uncommented on. Perhaps that's what turned him off instead 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
bobs123 · 04/04/2018 16:51

Well, it looks like he was looking for a reason, however small. Sounds like you’re better off without him. Wonder if all his relationship are with women who might be vulnerable (in your case, ending a marriage)

MaudlinMews · 04/04/2018 17:13

Well, that's a ridiculous reason to end things and could perhaps have been an excuse to leave you.

There's nothing more unappealing than a tight git.

It could also be hurt pride. Was he touchy about money generally? I notice you said in your opening post that he'd come on holiday with you twice. Did you pay? What was his financial position?

I'm always wary of people who railroad you into decisions as it's generally for their own benefit.

Whatever happened you're better off without him but I know that's no consolation at the moment and you must be so hurt and confused.

Have you met his friends? What have they said?

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 04/04/2018 17:26

You definitely dodged a bullet there. He sounds awful

MoreMoneyMoreProblems · 04/04/2018 17:34

Oh op! You sound like you were with my ex!

He did exactly this. 7 months of I love you's, hurry up and get divorced, I want to spend the rest of my life with you & then.........poof! He was gone.

No contact since

Dadaist · 04/04/2018 17:39

So - let me get this straight - you were actually still living in the same house when you started seeing him, and did so for six months!! - you were instigating and then speeding up divorce proceedings at his request - so that you managed to ‘push away’ your husband.
And then he disappeared when you were expecting him to put his money up front in a shared property.
Sounds like he thought he could do a good number on you. Maybe when you complained about the wine he thought that you couldn’t be led to do whatever he wanted after all - he’ll already have someone even more willing in the background who he’ll be reeling in for sure!

Original poster
goldiehawn1 · 04/04/2018 17:55

HI Bobs and I am grey....

I hadnt heard of future faking myself until I was doing a bit of googling on his strange behaviour and it all popped up.... see attached article

www.eharmony.co.uk/dating-advice/dating/future-faking#.WsUAPtPwbuQ

I suppose perhaps the morale of my story is that if your new "amore" love bombs you from the beginning, the relationship is hugely intense immediately, he discusses your futures together quickly, take it all with a HUGE pinch of salt and if you are really sensible, end it pronto before you find yourself sucked in and spat out brutally.

OP posts:
Original poster
goldiehawn1 · 04/04/2018 18:00

Hi Maudlin,

Thanks for your reply. In answer, I didnt really get to meet many of his friends which always slightly concerned me. I did meet his parents however and they seemed reasonable enough. I suppose they didnt look at me as if I was one of a long list, so to speak..

Anyway, as you so rightly say, there is nothing more unappealing than a tight git! Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
goldiehawn1 · 04/04/2018 18:01

Moremoney, you poor darling.

What a horror your ex was. Did you see it coming or was it just totally out of the blue?

OP posts:
bobs123 · 04/04/2018 19:47

Thanks goldie - I’ll keep it in mind (haven’t tried eharmony yet!!!)

Failingat40 · 04/04/2018 19:49

Who paid for him coming on holiday with you twice? @goldiehawn1

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