Im due to give birth this saturday: 7th April. Im just indoors reflecting on everything. Partner has gone out to work. Im just in bed thinking I cant believe that any time soon the baby will be here and i will no longer be pregnant which feels somewhat overwhelming. Maybe because I felt so alone in this pregnancy despite living with my partner for 9 months and very soon now I will be a mother, my life is about to change for ever. I will no longer ever be alone. I feel selfish for saying I want my baby to myself and no1 else. Im feeling abit of anger towards my partner. When i told him i was pregnant last year he came across as happy although we were together only 4 months at the time. It was unplanned and this is my first so i was scared but happy too. I left my mums and went to move in with him as i felt it was best. I felt he was going to really take care of me. Especially because we got pregnant a month before that, but sadly misscarried. But I feel somewhat used. I worked full time till week 33 and after work id drive back to his house (50 miles away) and cleaned and cooked everyday. It became my life routine. He would be back at night from work. So only really spent time together when it was time for bed around 11pm as he worked on weekends too. His a vegetarian and despite knowing i aint he still would get angry when id eat or cook meat so i completly stopped eating it 4 him. We are of different religions and I had to stop telling him my beliefs as that also angered him so if anything i have made alot of sacrifices for him and had to adapt to his ways. He hasnt attend any antental appointments, although his self employed and choses his hours of work. We go out together (to eat or go for a walk or something) like every 4 or 5 months and i'v only been with him one year n abit. So that's hardly any memories. He hasn't taken a pregnancy pic of me yet or Any pic of me since being together but always takes pics of him with friends and animals in the garden. Didnt come to the baby 4d scan i paid for. Never pleasured me before sexually. Only uses me to satisfy himself for a minute or two. (Even few times put a pillow infront my face and covers his ears and never touched me once down there with his hand - only once or twice used the back on his hand to rub me when having sex) which felt so offensive. Gave me herpes but he denys having it despite his blood test being borderline and mine negative. I may need a C section so been very anxious. His met all my family even cousins but i havent once met any of his even though they all live local and he sees them all alot so i feel awkward. Done nothing on valentines day or my birthday. But i spent so much money on his bday and v day present. So now im in debt as i dont work nomore and doesnt supprt me. Claims i need to work 4 him in admin if i want to earn some money. I have been slacking on the cleaning and cooking now so calls me lazy but im Just tired thats all. Tells me cooking n cleaning n being pregnant is not work. I honestly forgot what food and films i like. My personality has changed. I used to love bring independent and going out when i felt like it but feel my happiness has been taken away. Told his mum and dad i was pregnant only two months ago but they dont ever ask about me. He gave me money for pram and cot but he refused to go baby shopping with me few times so i done the baby room all by myself. Even built the cot and everything alone. Fitted in car seat etc. He only just prdered the wardrobe which will be coming late in 4 weeks so mine and baby stuff are in plastic bags while he has a hige wardrobe for himself. Dont want to give up though as he is working to pay his mortgage and does come back everynight. I can imagine self employment and having your own business must be stressfull but still something dont feel right. Doesnt physically abuse me or anything. But i feel i lost all my friends and life basically. Lack of support got me feeling angry like dont u dare say its your baby when you never even once checked how im feeling or rubbed my tummy to bond with the baby. This herpes thing i believe was him cheating on me also but only before i got pregnant in first 4 months as i found old sexually messages on his phone. (His phone was unlocked without him realising) but i no he ain't done nothing whilst i was pregnant and has changed in that aspect. When i argue he uses my bad past and my origin (im half asain) against me tellijg me its coz of that i am damaged or dont know what im saying. And has few times told me im lucky coz most girls would need to pay rent and bills. So bit of gaslighting going on there. He spends all free time on his phone and not speaking with me so it confuses me when he randomly comes home with a bunch of flowers and gives me a hug and kiss. I never know how to react anymore i tend to keep my mouth shut now. What are your views on this