Where do I go from here?

[Brokenhearts123]

Two years ago my world fell apart. My marriage was awful and I had decided to leave my husband after years of being belittled and walking on eggshells. Although he was never physical, his temper and moods shot my self esteem to bits. I stayed a lot longer than I should have because of the kids.

I hadn’t told him I was leaving at this point, I was working up to it,and then my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and my priority became her. My dad died 6 years ago so she was in her own. I moved in to help care for her and 4 months later she died.

In the few weeks after, through my devastation I suddenly was very much in the mindset of “life is too short” and my attitude to everything changed. I never returned to the family home my children stayed with me and I never looked back.

My husband didn’t want the split but I knew I had to stay strong and although he said things would change,deep down I knew they wouldn’t.
The kids adjusted well ( they see him all the time) and we moved on.

My husband rediscovered his single life and met a few women and I had a relationship ( single now) and life went on. For the most part honestly I haven’t regretted my decision but feel now the loss of my mum is becoming very real. I never had counselling at the time and have spent all weekend breaking down in tears and feeling so lost.

My husband wants to try again and in my heart I know I shouldn’t go back but lately there is something I can’t let go of. Am I grieving my marriage too? I’m convinced it’s just a wobble because I’m feeling vulnerable but part of me is considering trying again. My head tells me “no, don’t go back you’ve come so far” but my heart is hanging on and I don’t know why.

I feel so desperate and so confused. How do I stop looking back to the good times? Why can’t I remember why I left in the first place?

Write down a list with examples of all the reasons why you were unhappy with him. I did that and Every time he's been nice and I wobble, I have a read (and usually add lots more instances). It takes a lot to walk away from a marriage when there are children involved and it's usually after many years of trying.

WHY does he want to try again? Has he gone through his pool of available women who have all now seen through him and he thinks his only chance of having someone catering to his needs is to persuade you back?

You split up for a reason. By the sounds of it, several very good reasons. They haven't gone away, he hasn't changed. Don't let feeling lost and anchorless drive you back to a bad relationship, just because you want someone to lean on. He isn't it.

See if you can get yourself some counselling, be kind to yourself. You've gone through a lot in a short period of time and you just want to lean on someone and have them do the hard stuff. Maybe lean on your friends for a bit.

He is still the same dick you got away from. You don't want to have to do it again.

He hasn’t met anyone special in our time apart,but I don’t think he ever would’ve thought I would leave. We have had massive ups and downs in between but are able to talk fine now. I think because the next step would be divorce ( we’ve been apart 2 years) maybe it’s a last attempt to save things. The suggestion of writing things down is helpful, if I was to write it all down I know I wouldn’t even reconsider. I’m confused why it bothers me if he moves on because at the start I prayed he would. I think my current frame of mind is playing tricks on me.