Need advice think my partner is flirting

[ijustdintknowwhattodo]

Name changed for this.....
I have that horrible pit of my stomach sick feeling and I can not think straight. I want to try really hard not to over dramatise this but I know that what i've found needs addressing.

So my partner has a good working relationship with all his work colleagues but just recently this particular colleague's name keeps popping up. It's something i noticed but wasn't concerned about I assumed she was a lot younger than him and it was just a work banter thing.

Anyways, I checked his phone for a password we keep in his notes section for an online ticket account and his texts where open and I noticed her name at the top of the messages. Curious as to why she had text him I checked the messages. They are just general chit chat but with a definitely undertone of flirting. He is definitely a different person when he texts her than when he text me.

Now I've seen the messages I can't stop thinking about them and I feel sick, can't concentrate at work and I'm at a loss on how to bring it up. I absolute don't want to admit to snooping but I see no other way.

Any advice ?

I don’t think he knows you know unless you left the messages open, more like he’s feeling guilty and didn’t want you to see them. That in itself shows you that he knows it’s wrong.

I’d wait while his dad is better and then bring it up, I’d rayher be alone than have that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach all day while he’s at work with her or every time he gets his phone out. Been there and it’s not a nice feeling, you will go crazy. Plenty of guys out there who are loyal, don’t stay with him just because it’s easy.

I had a situation like this about 20 years ago. My DP developed a case of mentionitis about a work colleague, then was often working late or going away more often at weekends to see "friends".

I decided to have a chat with him about it - and he denied it, never mentioned the colleague again and went into tracks-covering mode, which meant I couldn't gather evidence.

I left him, regardless, as he was treating me badly, and just a few months later he married Mentionitis Woman.

From my own experience, personally, I would be keeping a very close eye on this and looking for evidence.

Is he distant and critical?
Is he working longer hours? If so, ring him after hours on the office number.
Is he glued to his mobile?
Has his appearance changed - or is he taking more interest in it, ie. changing his hairstyle/ facial hair, on a diet or eating more healthily and going to the gym more? Buying new clothes?
Is he finding excuses to spend nights away "on business"?

I would not have a chat with him. I would gather evidence then confront when I was certain.

Change is terrifying. I was terrified of leaving my ex too and did find myself in much worse circumstances financially. It was a struggle but it was better than staying with him and things getting worse, and feeling as if I was going mad. I was much younger then and had the courage to go for it.

The fear is often worse than the reality, they say. But you will do what you have to do in your own time. Take care of you.