I just wanted to write this down

[CestLaVie1975]

Not sure where I’m going with this post, I guess I’m doing it for cathartic reasons.

My mum sadly passed away 3 weeks ago, she was my best friend and I’m missing her so much. I have family around me but no close friends, no boyfriend and I’m struggling with it. My mum has left such a huge gap that I don’t know how to fill it.

Someone who I thought was a friend dropped me like a stone nearly 2 years ago. To this day I have no idea why she did it. I reached out to her 2 weeks ago saying if I’d done anything to upset her then I’m sorry it’s never my intention to hurt anyone. It’s difficult when you do not know what your apologising for. I told her about my mum dying but guess what... no response.

As for men well my history with men and relationships hasn’t been great, I have the knack of picking unavailable men. I have been NC with my ex since the end of September last year and I miss him, I’ve come close to getting in touch but have stopped myself as it wouldn’t achieve anything. He hasn’t contacted me in all that time so he doesn’t want me either.

I feel like I’m stuck in a place I do not want to be, I’m lonely, I’m scared for my future and not sure which way to go.

@CestLaVie1975 so sorry for your loss. Definitely don't contact the ex.

I think you need to focus on what you did have and building on that. Getting out more with other friends. What do you do for work? Do you have hobbies?

We can always, always make our lives better but it takes fight.

Sorry for your loss.

I have other friends but mostly people I work with so not close.

Since my mum died I now have a sense of relief that I have my life back, I was caring for her to some degree, but scared of pushing forward. People have a habit of leaving me and my confidence and self esteem is shot to pieces. I’m crying while I type this... this is hard. I don’t deserve this no one does and I’m trying to figure out what I’ve done and what to do next

I'm so sorry for your loss. Other people will be along soon to give you advice

@CestLaVie1975 I know it's shit. Believe me when I say you have to drag yourself up by the bootstraps on this one. My DH died in 2014 while I was pregnant, since then I've had a close friend die suddenly and two grandparents. I've also go through a relationship break-up. So really,I do know how hard it is. But you must take steps forward. Make new friends-can you ask ppl at work to the pub? Join groups? Meet-up events? There is so much out there. Change jobs to something more social? Take a sabbatical and go travelling? You're the only person who can change this