So I'll start with my childhood.
My father was a drunk bully. But I never viewed my childhood as abuse until I met my wife. She told me on a number of occasions that it is.
My father has been a functioning alcoholic ever since I can remember. I have funnily enough he was fine when he was drunk, but a bit of an idiot, but not violent.
When he hadn't been drinking he used to hit & threaten us (brother) regularly. Pin us down & pull our arms behind our backs saying he was going to break them. Threaten us with knives. Strangle us. I was reminded a couple of years ago, by an old school friend, about a time I went into school with bruises on my throat. He'd say things like 'I don't know how someone so stupid can be my child', threaten to put us up for adoption, make obscene comments about my mother to us, and wouldn't let us have black friends or black TV shows and music. He kicked me out because I had a gay friend at school. Came home to find my bags packed. My brother told me dad said he wants you out. This is a fraction of what happened. I always thought abusive parents were the ones that tortured or sexually abused their children. So is this that abusive or is it relatively normal?
Next question: on top of this he had a friend who used to have porn on his computer that he has since told me was with girls of a questionable age. It has also came out a few years ago that my sister was sexually abused by this guy. This all happened while my father was drunk and stoned and left his daughter with this guy. He had affairs on my mother and she ended up sectioned twice because of them. The second time he brought the other woman into our family home and they slept together while they expected me, my brother, and my sister to entertain her two kids. Him and the other woman have since married. He did introduce my step brother to drugs aged 12. He commited suicide while on drugs a few years ago. I must admit I blame my father a lot for this, maybe I shouldn't, but I do.
There were lots of other things that he's done that get to me.
But I keep trying to have a relationship with him, a very strained relationship. It's very one sided. He only normally texts when he's drunk. He lives on the other side of the country now so having no contact won't really be difficult.
The question is do I keep spending my time and effort on a man who does admit he was a rubbish parent, but who hasn't actually changed. By not changing I mean keeps taking drugs and getting drunk and is still very racist?
He doesn't hit me anymore because I started hitting back at 12 and was bigger than him by 15. Evidently he likes to hit people smaller than him.