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Original poster

To be unsure

20 replies

YesorNope · 03/04/2018 20:26

Married with a baby. For a while I've just felt a bit lacklustre about our relationship. I can't explain it. I'm a cold fish anyway so it may just be me. Is it normal to think this in a marriage?

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Original poster
YesorNope · 03/04/2018 20:54

Anyone?

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category12 · 03/04/2018 20:58

You haven't really explained much about how you're feeling.

How old is the baby? How are you feeling about life in general? How long have you been together and what makes you doubt your relationship?

Original poster
YesorNope · 03/04/2018 21:02

Baby 5 months. I'm feeling well. I'm a bit of a loner and Tbh would rather be alone alot. I don't really want to have to consider other people sometimes which I know isn't nice. Husband goes to gym every am before work so is often out of the house for 17hours a day.

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Original poster
YesorNope · 03/04/2018 21:04

I'm on long term antidepressants it's just my personality so that's hard at times.

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category12 · 03/04/2018 21:07

That's a lot of hours out of the house - basically home to sleep and gone again? Not surprising you feel lacklustre about him.

Original poster
YesorNope · 03/04/2018 21:08

It's his job so I can't moan really. It's like when he's here he wants me to run around and I'm tired.

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category12 · 03/04/2018 21:12

Run around doing what? Do you run around for him?

Original poster
YesorNope · 03/04/2018 21:15

Hes good with the baby on the whole. Today I've been exhausted and he's moaning we haven't had sex for ages etc.

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Original poster
YesorNope · 03/04/2018 21:15

When he's in work I go to baby groups etc so when he's on a day off I want to relax as I'm tired

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category12 · 03/04/2018 21:16

Well that's attractive of him Hmm.

Original poster
YesorNope · 03/04/2018 21:21
Hmm
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category12 · 03/04/2018 21:28

Well it doesn't sound great, tbh - he works long hours and puts going to the gym ahead of spending time with you and the baby, and moans about lack of sex, wants you to run round when he is home. And you're long term depressed and you have a small baby so obviously you're tired.

It's difficult to know whether this is a temporary state of feeling lacklustre about the relationship or not. What options are there for getting more rest/time together/him perhaps working less and being around more?

Original poster
YesorNope · 03/04/2018 21:59

His work is shifts so can't really be changed. It's weekends and nights too so can be hard to arrange anything and when we do get down time I'm shattered. I don't think he fully understands how tiring it is. He's generally supportive but recently it's hard going.

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Original poster
YesorNope · 04/04/2018 06:46
Confused
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Original poster
YesorNope · 04/04/2018 06:51

Maybe going back to work will help I'm bored

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userabcname · 04/04/2018 07:01

Having a baby is hard work and also changes the dynamics completely so I do think it is normal to feel differently, yes.

However, your husband really doesn't sound that supportive to be honest. Does he go to the gym everyday? Do you get time to yourself as well while he cares for baby? By run around do you mean do all the housework etc or more that he expects you to go out and socialise when you'd rather rest at home?

I think you need to tell him that you need more support, some time to yourself and less demands from him as a baby is demanding enough! Going back to work may well be helpful for you - I know a few women who swear returning to work did them the world of good and, in one case, nipped PND in the bud too.

Fwiw, I found 5 months quite a trying time as DS was so demanding all the time and I was shattered. Really improved from about 6.5 months onwards as he got more mobile and started napping better.

Original poster
YesorNope · 04/04/2018 09:12

He goes the gym every day. I do get down time and have more of a social life than most mum's. I think my personality has always been to feel a bit lukewarm about people really

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Original poster
YesorNope · 04/04/2018 10:15

It's like I have to nag to get anything done. If we're due some where at 1 he'll get in the shower at 5 to. I've then got a face on when we go out. I'm fed up of it

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sunsetheaven · 04/04/2018 11:54

What were things like before the baby came along?

Original poster
YesorNope · 04/04/2018 14:27

They were stressful at times but we were having fertility treatment so I guess it would be

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