Am I crazy to travel this far for a first date?

[Nonway]

Hello everyone

Last summer, I met a great guy whilst I was in his city on a secondment through work. We hit it off and I felt like I’d found someone very special. We spent the night together and as much as I liked him and couldn’t stop thinking about him, I chalked it up as a one night stand and moved on.

A few months later he joined the world of social media and tracked me down through a mutual friend. We’ve been in contact ever since and he’s been persistent in some time in asking me to come back and visit him over 100 miles away.

A few days ago, after far too many wines, I caved in and agreed to see him this weekend! I am driving down and staying with him from Friday to Sunday!

At first it felt romantic and spontaneous, but now I’ve got doubts that have mostly been put in my head by others admittedly - why is it me who is travelling, is it a red flag he hasn’t insisted to come to me first? Also, is Friday - Sunday too much? Should I shorten to Saturday - Sunday? Am I doing something completely crazy that I need to re think? I don’t have any expectations at the moment, but what if I come away feeling really attached?

Sorry if I’m not making sense but could do with thoughts of others. We are both in early 30’s if that helps.

My DP and I did the same. 500 miles between us five years ago. Sometimes you just have to take a chance.

I agree - why isn't he suggesting to come and see you. Very convenient for him isn't it?

Unfortunately you are crazy to drive to him, he asked you, he should be doing the driving.

If a man is crazy about you he would travel miles to come and see you even if it is only for dinner.

My partner lived in Manchester and I lived in Glasgow, just to take me out to dinner he would travel up stay in a hotel and take me out for the evening. No pressure of expecting anything else.

They say you should start how you want things to carry on, by the sounds of it you will be doing all the running.

Sorry if it is not what you want to hear and there is definately no romance in you doing all the running.

are you staying with him, or in a hotel? i think it sounds quite fun, he already tracked you down so must like you. you can always suggest that next time he comes to you, or you meet halfway.

I once flew from Newcastle to Portsmouth to meet a guy in similar circs. Had a weekend in bed and never saw him again. No regrets though!

i think it sounds quite fun, he already tracked you down so must like you

Or knows that it is a very easy weekend ahead...he doesn't even have to lift a finger!

It's not something I'd do ... however a friend once went from London to America to meet a guy.

She didn't fancy him in the flesh ...but he paid her airfare.

I would absolutely travel 100 miles to see someone I liked. But not if they couldn’t be arsed to travel the same distance.

Friday to Sunday is too long if it’s not neutral territory.

At least as you're driving you have the option to leave whenever you want.

I'd rather do it that way round to be honest. He has to do all the prep of the house / food / (ahem) entertainment.

You just have to turn up. And if you don't feel right for any reason, you can just leave when you like. I would take a couple of numbers for B&Bs just in case though.

You've already met and hit it off. It sounds like a fun weekend to me!

I wouldn't have a problem with going as long as it was his turn to come to you next time. I'd also just do one night.

Surely he invited you so that is why you are travelling, you would have to invite him to yours if you wanted him to travel.... Did you?

A friend of mine took a 20 hour flight for her first date and spent a 2 week holiday with him. 22 years later they are married with 3 kids!

@AnarchyKitty 500 miles, wow! Brilliant
@TERFragetteCity I know exactly what you mean. Its very convenient. However its probably worth mentioning we threw round the idea of both mine and his. I pushed for his a bit harder I guess, for reasons @Whocansay mentioned. This decision is out of character for me and I always prefer to do the first "staying over" at the other persons if I can, I feel more vulnerable having someone in my home than the other way round for some reason. But I understand that could potentially be making me look a bit too easy or keen.
@TM71 Again it's definitely good for me to hear perspectives like this! I'm usually quite traditional and don't do a lot of the initial "running round" - but then as @daro points out, he invited me first hence why i'm travelling. He seemed willing to travel to mine when we were discussing where to go before I pushed for his. Perhaps in hindsight midway would have been better
@esk1mo him but i'm considering either shortening the thing (Sat-Sun) or getting a hotel for one night at least. I think two at his is too much.
@ShotsFired Good to hear your story, I'm quite confident this is all this will turn out to be as well! But it will be a fun weekend nevertheless
@Canwejustrelaxnow Thanks, I agree, I would definitely be expecting him to come here next if things progressed
@Smeaton Ha ha. Thanks Smeaton. Luckily i'm driving so I can just make my excuses if it goes terribly
@perfectpanda wow what a cool story! I would have more regrets about not going than going for sure.

Thanks everyone. I guess I've had mixed responses but thought that would be the case as at times I have mixed feelings about it all. Its too late to cancel now but i'm thinking perhaps going with Saturday to Sunday after hearing all of your responses. Maybe it would be different on neutral territory. He has actually just text me a potential plan of things to do on the Saturday which he seems to have put a lot of effort into, although, so he should given the miles I am driving! :)

oooh I did not think about midway, that would be a good idea. book somewhere nice for a weekend away.

Sounds exciting. If I were you I would book a hotel/ air bnb for the first night, then if it doesn't go great at dinner/drinks you can safely go to where you are staying but if all goes well then stay at his the Saturday night? That would be my preference

It sounds like he is very keen to see you and for those saying he should have been driving to you I see a few problems with that. Firstly he would have had to insist on coming up to your area and you would have been the one to "host", it sounds like he is making just as much effort by doing the organising. Secondly there is no reason why a man should do literally all of the running. If this weekend goes well then yes, I'd expect him to offer to visit you or you to invite him and for him to accept that invite but it's not wrong or a sign of a lack of interest just because he's not doing the driving now.

I'd stick to your original plan of going on Friday but book a hotel for the Friday night. That way if you don't want to stay at his you have an option other than just driving back home again.

Have a great weekend.

@jinglymum Thanks, I am really excited now. Sounds like a good idea
@Ikeameatballs Appreciate this. Point taken, he has been consistently persistent with his idea of us meeting up and it was initially him who tracked me down and suggested we see each other again after all. If it had been me doing that, I probably would have felt a bit like I was imposing and keen if I suggested going to theirs to see them as well.

I've just got back from a second date. In Budapest. He travelled much further than me to get there so we're both on neutral ground. It felt good to do something out of the ordinary and we already knew we got on. We will see each other again and I will host as he did the first date.
In your situation I would probably suggest somewhere half way, makes it more equal and neither of you have to host and you will both be on neutral ground.

As you've aire planned it, go with your original plans. I presume he'll have the so are bed made up for you? If you decide that you want to go home you can always think.of an excuse to leave.