This is very long but please bear with me.
Bit of background.
Boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We live together but no children.
There is nothing really inherently wrong with the relationship, I just feel it is slowly but surely coming to an end. At least on my part. He is lovely, supportive and I know he loves me and cares for me. However, we argue a lot, often over nothing or trivial things. I make a lot of effort trying to make and keep the house nice, have spent a lot of money recently on decorating, new furnishings etc which he doesn’t even seem to care about. We don’t struggle too much with money, we get by, but never do anything together.
I’m in my early twenties and feel like life is too short to stay with someone out of habit or because life is comfortable. I feel surely there must be more to life and love than sitting at home not speaking, or me being one place in the house reading or taking a bath etc while he is watching something on his laptop or on his phone.
The last time we had sex was in January. I have no interest whatsoever in having sex and I don’t think he does either as he hasn’t tried to start relations or anything like that. We kiss occasionally and hug when we arrive home etc. He used to always come with me to see my family etc and I used to go with him to see his, now we go to our own families alone.
Recently, all I can think about is living in a flat on my own. Decorating it the way I want, having my books out on bookshelves (pathetic I know but they have been stored in the loft since we moved in, I love books and he won’t let me have them out anywhere or let me have bookshelves etc). Any effort I make with my appearance or the house goes unnoticed. I don’t think he’s found anyone else because I don’t think he has any interest in finding anyone else. I don’t either, so it’s not like the relationship is failing because one or both of us have found someone new or want to find someone new. I’d be quite content to be on my own and stay that way.
Every time I think of leaving or try to bring up the problems it turns into an argument or I start to feel horrifically guilty because he’s not done anything wrong and the relationship as a practical thing works for both of us. I just feel like I will wake up one day, 3 months or 3 years down the line to realise it’s not even a relationship anymore and wish I’d left.
Reading this back I think I should leave to be fair on both of us, but he is extremely co-dependant and I worry what would happen to him if I left. He is almost 30. I fear that the relationship will never change. At times it is very bad as we are both emotionally abusive to one another if we argue (name calling, insulting one another’s families etc) which I know is wrong but it’s almost like we’ve resigned ourselves to the fact this is forever and are just going along with it.
It would take a few months for me to be able to get a flat sorted (I would be the one to move out) and sort out finances etc. I feel almost selfish because I would lose out on a great deal (his family members have recently gifted us some furniture, sofas and a piano that was really gifted to me but I digress) and I wouldn’t be able to take any of that with me even though it was me who decided with the family what we would have etc.
I feel this is very long winded now but I’m trying to give as much info as possible without being identifying as I have family members etc that do go on here.
Has anybody ever left a relationship for really no reason in particular? I feel that im being stupid wanting to leave when nobody has actually really done anything wrong to warrant the relationship ending, it’s just that I feel it’s going nowhere. I can never picture us getting married or having a family. In fact, I was all for that a year or so ago but now have completely gone off the idea.