Partner needs so much reassurance

[user1474565301]

I've been with my partner for 5 years and we are not married. We have a dd of 2 years and another due in 7 weeks.
Since dd was born, I've had pnd, but have felt mainly on top of it over the last few months. It has been getting worse again recently though, due to major late pregnancy hormones kicking in and huge tiredness from looking after dd and being pregnant.
The other thing which sets me off is my partner seeming very needy. He had a difficult upbringing and needs lots of reassurance, hugs, talking, etc. I wasn't brought up like that and it just doesn't occur to me to do those things a lot.
I feel like every ounce of physical and mental energy I have goes into maintaining my dd, bump and myself and I just don't have anything left for him. But should I have? He is a grown adult who should be able to maintain himself.
Am I being cold or realistic? I really don't know anymore. It's never enough for him.

Has he always been like this? Its understandable that you need to focus on yourself and your daughter at the moment. Have you told him how you feel?

Yes, he has always needed to be lot of affection and reassurance. That was fine when we were in the first few years of our relationship, it was all exciting and I had the time and energy for it. In the current situation, I'm not sure it's as realistic.
He doesn't seem to be able to get used to the fact that life is different now and I don't have that time and energy to spend on him nowadays.
Does every relationship go through this during the 'having children' stage or do I need to put in more effort and somehow find the extra resources to give him the extra reassurance which he is always asking for?

No not every relationship, it depends on the individuals and their attachment styles, of which your boyfriend sounds like insecure/anxious.

This is something he should seek help in therapy for, we all get wobbly and need a bit of reassurance from our partners sometimes but if it’s constant then it’s excessive unhealthy.

Some people like this are a bottomless pit of need, whatever you say and do will never be enough and in the end it’ll drive you away. He needs to take some responsibility for learning to self soothe and manage his own anxiety.

What Psychadelic said. It’s not unreasonable to seek reassurance from you but it is unreasonable to do so when you are ground down yourself. Explain how you feel, that you are still there for him but need to have enough energy for yourself and the children too. He needs to understand that and also be providing you and them with some emotional support in return

Could you get him to take DD out on a Saturday for something? Could even be a regular thing like ice skating or swimming? Bonding time for them and you'd get some time to rest and get some energy back, then cuddle up and watch a movie with him when DD is in bed. Doesn't solve the problem of course, but may alleviate it somewhat and give you some of the space you need?

He would benefit from help. I also think you need a frank discussion that you have to split all your emotional energy over 3 other people not just him and he needs to accept that is the new "normal" and he needs to be giving you and the DC his emotional energy!