Social Exclusion/Social bullying on FB

[TElizA]

I'm going to try keep this as simple as possible although it is a complex problem.
Background: In February I took the final steps to end a 40 year friendship. This was after months and months of ill feelings between us, and a series of upsetting situations between us. P has a sister-in-law, R, who I have become friends with. On a rare occasion the three of us would socialise. Last Sept, R & I went out to a coffee shop and I checked in on FB and tagged R. Understandably this caused major upset for P even though our friendship was all but over. (I always check in on FB and ask permission before I tag anyone.) R and I went out a few more times with my posting on FB. P asked us not to advertise our socialising on FB, but I felt that I did not need her permission to do so, but the tagged person. She sent an emotive message to my OH telling him that this was relational bullying as she had been excluded in our socialising, essentially labelling me a bully (even though the friendship was over). I asked P to block me on FB so essentially I would not exist on FB to her and she so wouldn't get hurt. She refused to do so, but got a mutual friend to tell me that I MUST stop tagging R when I check in with her. I told this mutual friend that I wouldn't as 1) R and I are not doing anything wrong/have nothing to hide. 2) P has the option to block me as she isn't even my FB friend anymore. 3) P doesn't own R even though P has questioned R loyalty being my friend 4) R has the right to decide if she wants to be tagged in a post.
Problem: If P feels so strongly that she is being bullied, why does she not block me on FB to prevent her from seeing any interaction between myself and mutual friends? P is an adult and so has control how she deals with this situation, but doesn't seem to want to. Is it okay that she has labelled me a bully considering the awareness and intolerance to bullying these days?
I'm aware how childish this must sound being women in our 50s, but there is so much more to this friendship issue I can't get into. It would be good to get another perspective on this. Thank you.

Why do you feel the need to publicly announce where you are and who you're with on FB?

Let's just hope you don't ever find yourself in your ex-friends situation.

Your friend needs to set up privacy on her account so she has to approve tags from others before they appear on her timeline.

If I were her I'd be pissed off my every encounter with you had to be plastered all over FB

Because if she blocked you or unfollowed you or R it would remove the source of drama and all be very boringly resolved.

I would just stop putting when you meet R on Facebook, P is obviously hurting at your rejection, why rub her nose in it, that just seems mean.

You can block P , Problem solved.

Block her yourself. Same outcome. She's obviously looking at what you're up to if she can see you checking in when you're not friends. Take that option away from her.

HI Failingat40.
Thank you for your response. I can see why you would respond that way based on the very limited information I've given.

Thank you for your response LimonViola, that is beginning to be my take on the situation. P has never been one to take personal responsibility for her feelings. Whenever P has relationship/friendship problems, she never tries to see her part in the dynamics of the problems.

Hi mando12345 . Thank you for your response. That would seem the obvious solution and I understand why one would see it that way; P feels this way.
My intention is not to rub P's nose in it... I'm not using FB any differently to the way I have for years. If it was so hurtful to P she could easily have taken steps to stop seeing what I'm up to. She has choices.

TheJoyOfSox.... I have now done so... thank you. Big weight off my soldiers.

TheJoyOfSox.... Thank you! I have now done so.

Block her yourself on FB and then she won’t see anything at all. However, it does sound very childish. Your behaviour and her reactions but essentially you’ve “wendied” her and now you’re rubbing her face in it. Not nice and very not cool. You know you don’t have to tag and post every time you go for coffee? That’s really not cool either and most people don’t do that because 1) it’s seen to be bragging and 2) it advertises that your and their house is empty. It’s just not the done thing these days and puts people off being your friend. It sounds and looks like you are deliberately baiting your old friend. No wonder she’s upset. You were friends for 40 years and now you’ve dumped her for somebody she introduced you to. Pretty yukky behaviour to be honest and as somebody who has been “wendied” please stop trying to deliberately damage your old friend. It’s really nasty behaviour.

Thank you all for you time.

I'm starting to believe that the whole emotional issues with P is not about FB at all. I think that FB is a more tangible way to cast me as the perpetrator and herself as the victim. She can turn around to people and say, “See what T’s doing to me?” This plays into her victim storyline.

Hopefully now that I have blocked her, the drama will stop and we can get on with our lives.

Thank you for response ChickenMom. And I can see why you say what you say.