Still talking it through - relationship issues

[ReginaPhalange2]

I posted before about my husbands unsociable working hours and how he hates me doing anything despite words coming out of his mouth being the complete opposite.

Since last week when we had the big argument he’s being overly nice to me and asking. For cuddles etc and I just couldn’t reciprocate.
So by the end of the week I’m eventually coming round as he’s going out of his way to have the kids so I can go to my class on Saturday,which I never do as the kids have hobbies and just been generally nice.

Come Easter Sunday we were having a nice day and then he springs it on me that he has to go to work!!!! Albeit he was there for an hour and a half and came back but on Easter Sunday when we had a lovely day planned. This guy works 60/70 hours a week easily.
I was furious and told him so and when he came back I was a bit off for a while then came round as didn’t want to spoil the day.

Today and a terrible thing happened with our pet, he was adamant I was taking him to the vets as he was fine. Basically he didn’t want to spend the money to have him checked on a bank holiday. I waited until he went to work and phoned the vets who told me they needed to see him immediately as they listed the things they were concerned about.
I had to do this in secret and put it on my credit card.
He came in and id left the carrier out and he saw it and I felt horrendous, shaky etc. I didn’t tell him I had taken him.

The money side of things, I don’t work and he spends money on whatever he wants with no conversation. I ask when I want to buy anything for me.

He’s now not speaking to me as he is sick of me not speaking to him 😬😬 Is it me? Should I not have beenoff with him and just accepted the gojngto work without going in a mood?

Why are you with him? You feel sick if you do something he doesn’t want you to do? What kind of relationship is this? What are the benefits for you?

I don’t feel sick all the time. It was just this time and I have no idea why?

Are you sure he’s not having an affair? This is very odd behaviour from him. Why would he suddenly need to work on Easter Sunday. Nobody else would have to do that unless he’s a surgeon or GP on call or a plumber with a burst pipe emergency!

Ah no definitely not an affair. 100% sure

Very few people can earn enough to keep a family on their one wage. If he's working shifts and paid overtime then it's reasonable to expect he might have to work long hrs, and depending on the industry may involve anti social hours.

So, if he were to cut back on his work could you stay at home? Would you have to work? Would you prefer that?

As for feeling sick about spending money and hiding this from him, could it be that it is because you feel in some way that his money is not family money? Does he control this? Do you have a fair say in how it's spent? Do you feel guilty because he has made you feel he should control finances? Or do you feel guilty because the modern trope is all about economic equality only being possible if mother's work full time?

Could he be avoiding family life, avoiding the need to contribute anything aside from finances, having an affair, or feeling himself overburdened by the weight of having to provide financially?

He’s now not speaking to me as he is sick of me not speaking to him 😬😬

This is very unhealthy way to communicate.Both of you need to learn to talk..."I am unhappy because.." rather than silent treatment.
If he went to work he should have communicated it and the reason, then if you accepted it; it should have been a done deal.

The vet issue, he shouldn't have veto over all finances.Is he financially controlling?
Why not try to talk with him and say you both need to have more grown up communication and respect each other decisions.
Sometimes you may need to agree to disagree.