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Relationships

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Original poster

Would you date a newly single ?

27 replies

user1470296287 · 02/04/2018 19:15

Hi I matched with someone on Tinder and got chatting really nice bloke and easy to talk to.

He has only been on his own for 3 months after 28 years together she left for another man. I have been single 2 years and not dated so putting my toe in the pond but feel that this is way to soon for him to be on a dating site although he confirms he would never go back as the trust has gone.

Shall I carry on chatting and see where it goes or politely back away.

OP posts:

MerryDeath · 02/04/2018 19:29

NOPE absolutely not. farrrrr too likely to end in tears.

dirtybadger · 02/04/2018 19:30

I wouldnt personally. Everyone has baggage, but it is bound to be heavier/bulkier after only 3 months. Especially with a presumanly abrupt ending.

Unless he has explicitly said he is only looking for some fun, I would also be a bit skeptical about someone who doesnt see it isnt the sensible (generally) to bounce from one LTR to another.

mindboggled88 · 02/04/2018 22:38

If you just want to sleep with someone yeah (which is probably what motivated him to go on there) with a possibility of it leading somewhere.

toffee1000 · 03/04/2018 02:18

Rebounds never work well IME. Only three months out of a 28 year relationship??? Far too soon IMO. He may feel he's ready but if he actually entered into a relationship I doubt he would really be ready.

Onemansoapopera · 03/04/2018 05:07

It might have been shit for 27 years for all any of us know. I say go for it, life is short and nothing is guaranteed any way 😊

ChangingStates · 03/04/2018 05:51

My ex was tindering / dating within a couple of weeks of our separation (an agreed split) after 15yrs. I can't imagine getting involved with anyone at the moment but believe he is totally capable of moving on, so maybe your guy is too.

ChangingStates · 03/04/2018 05:52

Meant to say 'moving on that quickly'

Olicity17 · 03/04/2018 06:02

Personally, I wouldn't. I dated someone within a few months of splitting with my husband. The guy i dated had recently split too. The relationship was a bust.

Luckily, for us though, we have remained good friends. Thats what we both need right now. A good friend.

TomHardysBitontheside · 03/04/2018 06:12

I wouldn't. I dated someone who'd been single about 5 months. He clearly wasn't ready and realised that quite quickly after we started dating. We've ended up friends.

Cat2014 · 03/04/2018 06:21

Against the grain here. Why not? Just see how it goes

MirandaWest · 03/04/2018 06:26

I did. DH had split up with his ex wife 3 weeks before we met. So I suppose I was technically a rebound but we’ve been together nearly 6 years now and are nicely happy together 😊

Coconutspongexo · 03/04/2018 06:30

I think I’d do it if they wasn’t looking for an actual relationship just dating but that’s mostly because I’m not looking for an actual relationship.

Although after being with someone for that length of time and only after 3 months does seem a tad premature!

Addictedtohavingbabies · 03/04/2018 08:56

No way. Maybe if they'd only been together a year but not 28 years. The likelihood is that he's not over her and is rushing into something to fill the void she left and you'll be second best.

LiteraryDevil · 03/04/2018 08:58

He needs time to process the end of his relationship and figure out what went wrong. He won't be able to focus emotionally on anyone else until he does. I would bow out gracefully as he's probably looking for an ego boost. Understandable but not fair on you.

Fijisky · 03/04/2018 09:37

Nope. Step away unless your looking for something really casual like a FWB

Pinkvoid · 03/04/2018 10:05

My exh found someone two weeks after we seperated and he had moved in with her within a month. They’re still together almost three years later so... I suppose it can work.

I don’t think rebounds often work though tbh plus it wasn’t an amicable split so he will have an awful lot of demons to work through.

StUmbrageinSkelt · 03/04/2018 10:09

Moved in with me about a month after a split with his partner of 5 years.

Reader I married him and we are still together 27 years later.

pudding21 · 03/04/2018 12:16

I was with my ex for 21 years, split in Feb 2017 and by May I was in a FWB situation which was intense and lasted for 6 months. Was I ready to date properly? No, but I was ready to have contact with another man and have something to take my mind off it.

If you do, go into it with an open mind, he probably wants and needs company but I doubt he will be in a mind set to want to properly commit. I am on tinder and make it clear to guys I am talking too I don't want a serious relationship. Talk to him, if it suits you both go for it. If you want something serious proceed with caution.

Ceirrno · 03/04/2018 12:25

Someone being ready or not is not at all related to numbers. We have no idea about him or what the relationship was like so it's impossible to tell. If you like him, give it a go. I'd be cautious as I would say the start of any relationship, but it wouldn't put me off.

TheStoic · 03/04/2018 13:20

Sure, I would. I don’t really subscribe to the whole ‘you need to be by yourself for a while to heal and learn to love yourself’ schtick that women on this board tend to advise.

Have fun. Be alert, but not alarmed.

TheBeastAwakens · 03/04/2018 13:40

I met someone six weeks after ending a 15 year relationship. One year later we're still together and very happy.

LimonViola · 03/04/2018 14:14

Definitely go for it! Whether or not someone is over their ex depends a lot more on factors other than solely the length of time they've been single. I was with my ex three years, admittedly no kids or marriage but serious and living together. We split and as I moved cities I got onto tinder to meet people and have some fun (not sexual fun necessarily!) and explore with and met my OH within three weeks of the relationship ending. We're still together. Ex met someone a week after I did from what I gathered via friends and they're still together.

I'm a very cut and dried person, when something is over I'm done and good at compartmentalising. I'd say remain cautious and don't invest in it being anything other than a fun time for at least six months or a year (you can be exclusive and together but don't go assuming it'll work I mean) but no reason not to meet and hang out and suss him out!

It isn't a popular view on these boards I know, but people with a lot of options (good looking, smart, kind etc) don't tend to stay on the market very long so don't be afraid to crack on with it. If I hadn't got with my OH based on some rigid ideas about time then I have no doubt someone else would have snapped either one of us up.

Original poster

user1470296287 · 07/04/2018 15:16

Thanks for your replies,

I’ve been chatting for a week with him now and he has been nothing but respectful and really kind, I think this is someone I’m willing to take a chance with.

So we are meeting for Sunday lunch tomorrow and for the first time in ages I’m really looking forward to it.

Wish me luck

OP posts:

user1471596238 · 07/04/2018 15:26

I think that it depends. I met my DW of 7 years on a dating site after technically having split from my ex wife 4 months before but in reality our marriage had petered out at least 2 or 3 years earlier but neither of us had been willing to step up and make the decision. We were therefore married but not really having a relationship for quite some time and it was pretty easy for both of us to move on once we split up.

Dimael · 07/04/2018 16:23

I was asked out and politely declined due to only having split with my ex 2 weeks ago. I am too upset to consider anyone else right now. I want to take my time to heal. Perhaps don’t get too excited about this one, see how it goes hunt don’t rush it. Caution I think is key here.

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