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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Did I do anything wrong?

6 replies

Enchanted95 · 02/04/2018 10:44

I met this guy on a dating app about 3 months ago, and we've spoken everyday since. We went on our first date, which was the first time meeting in-person, about 2 months ago. We kissed on our first date and said that we liked each other after two dates. But other than that things have been moving pretty slowly. He seems to be a busy person so dates were two weeks apart, with us only going on 4 dates in the two months that we'd known each other in-person. He also didn't initiate the dates, but we were speaking everyday.

I was happy to take things slowly but I wanted to get to know him better in person, so I suggested meeting up again a week after our fourth date. He said he was busy all weekend with his friend, but then went on a spontaneous night out on the Friday. To me it seemed like he wasn't making the time, so I started to think that perhaps he didn't actually like me that much. I was a bit hurt and confused, but as we weren't in a relationship there wasn't anything I could really do. I decided to just go out with some friends that weekend and enjoy myself. However, on the night out I ended up drunkenly kissing two random guys. This was completely out of character for me as I don't usually kiss strangers. Also when I start dating someone I like, I generally stop showing interest in other guys.

I know that I technically didn't cheat as we aren't exclusive or anything, but I still really guilty about it for some reason. I debated telling him when it happened but I figured it would be weirder to mention it as we weren't really that close at that point, despite dating for 2/3 months. We also hadn't slept together, or had a talk about whether it was going anywhere. I decided to leave it and two weeks later we met up for our fifth date and ended up sleeping together. He now seems to be showing more interest and we seem to be getting closer. I genuinely believe that he's just a reserved person and is new to the whole dating thing, which is why things have been going slowly. Now I know things are finally getting serious though, I'm starting to feel guilty about having kissed those two guys. I do really do like him and haven't been romantically involved with anyone else since we started talking. I will also never see those two guys again.

I'm just confused about whether I should actually feel guilty or not? I also don't know whether I need to tell him? The whole relationship between us has been pretty confusing due to it progressing so slowly over a longish period of time, so I'm just really lost as to whether I actually did anything wrong. It would be good to see other people's views on the situation because I'm totally lost. Confused

OP posts:
Fml2015 · 02/04/2018 10:59

You should not feel guilty. You weren't exclusive or seeing each other often enough for it to feel exclusive, otherwise I suspect you wouldn't have kissed those men. However now it progressing maybe have a chat about being exclusive or not seeing other people whilst your still dating.

Minime85 · 02/04/2018 11:04

You did nothing wrong. You haven’t had the conversation about being exclusive.

If you want to tell him you could but in a jokey way of some sort. He may have equally seen other people?

Angelf1sh · 02/04/2018 11:13

No.

PrettyLittIeThing · 02/04/2018 11:14

I wouldn't tell him you kissed not one but two guys in one night. I don't think he would be interested in a relationship if he knew that and would probably just use you for sex for abit. Just being honest.

trojanpony · 02/04/2018 11:17

You shouldn’t feel guilty at all.

Also despite your comments at the end I think he doesn’t seem that interested.

Quietlife1979 · 02/04/2018 11:39

To be honest I’d put money on it he was dating other people of the app and for some reason he is solely focusing on you now. Which is actually ok for him to do as you were not officially together

Don’t tell him although I understand. I did something similar with dh, we were talking a lot on the phone and I drunkenly die to the night with a friend but didn’t have sex and the next night went on an official date with dh - we hit it off and I never and I never told him. Married and two kids later I’ve still not mentioned it as it’s none of his business

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