In December 2015 my wife admitted to “having a drunken kiss” on a works outing and when I asked the obvious questions that this prompts I was told that it was nothing more than that.
Call me foolish but I reconciled myself at that time with the thought that if there had been more to it then he may have had her body but so long as her heart remained mine.
Since then we “pottered on” with life with a lack of intimacy which I put down (reluctantly) to the demands of the kids, of whom we have two with special needs and working arrangements.
Fast forward to March 2018, and I discover that it was more than what I was lead to believe previously and something which I believe started when I started to receive treatment for PTSD and was taken to an intimate level sometime after December 2014 which included them spending weekend together in York while I looked after the kids in the belief that she was on a cycling trip.
When I found out it all made sense to me, the atmosphere between us and increasingly ‘passionate’ response from her whenever I disagreed with anything or didn’t play ball. This culminated in me being assaulted which has brought everything to a head.
I told her I knew last week as I broke down in tears.
To which her response was that “all I wanted was to feel normal” and when I asked why she did not tell me she replied by saying “I didn’t want to hurt you“.
Some 4 days on from then and I feel like I’m the one being punished as she refuses to answer any questions I need to have answered by saying “I went through enough heartbreak 2 years ago and I am not going through it again”.
She refuses to acknowledge me in any of this let alone how I feel now saying that she doesn’t want to answer any questions as she does not want me to put the answers in a back pack to be used against her later.
I don’t really want to know the gory details of what my beautiful wife has done with another man but I deserve answers so that I can move on (with or without her) but despite telling this to her she responds with defiance.
I am truly at a loss as to how to handle each morning let alone anything beyond that as each day I wake as if I have been told of the death of a loved one and it is tearing me apart.
I know I’m not perfect but this does not give her the right to make me accountable for her infidelity - she made that decision herself. Yet she persists with punishing me.
What has happened has happened but what is important for me now is to try and understand whether the person I fell in love with actually exists or whether that person has turned into a deceitful, emotionless, uncaring individual. Both characters present themselves on the rare occasions we speak but I’m exhausted and emotionally drained and craving clarity and openness right now, but seems that when I say this to her she seems to use it as a tool against me.
Any advice would be appreciated - I’m so confused.
Thanks