Anyone had any success dating at 50+?

[RainyApril]

So xh and I divorced several years ago after I discovered his affair.

I've spent the last few years single and completely disinterested in dating or men. I think partly this was a lack of confidence, mourning the end of my marriage and general disillusionment.

Recently I have begun to feel differently and, realising that an eligible man isn't going to knock on my door spontaneously, I thought I'd be proactive by trying online dating and being a bit more sociable.

What has given me a bit of a shock is the responses of my friends. I thought they'd be supportive and encouraging but instead I've had responses like 'oh I couldn't be bothered at your age' and 'if it were me I'd stay single now' and 'don't get your hopes up'.

Now I had thought that I was quite a catch. I'm attractive, slim, fit, professional. I don't expect men to be beating my door down, but is it really such a lost cause?

I didn't think of myself as old but I've had an epiphany - I am old aren't I, I can book Saga holidays and buy into a retirement complex!

Now I feel stupid for even considering it. The problem is that I'm still in my 20s in my head, but my body doesn't agree. I don't want people laughing at me, and I don't want to be the oldest swinger in town.

These were several different friends on several different occasions, and it didn't feel like they were saying it to be unkind either - it felt like they were discouraging me because it's a huge no-go and I'm going to end up even sadder.

What do you all think? Please be honest, I'd rather that than take another massive knock to my self esteem.

Hi there, I am 59 and had been single for 7 years , like you wanted to meet someone .....So went online now 14 months later I am still seeing a lovely guy who is 5 years younger than me ! which is a first ever and must admit it has taken me awhile to adapt to it . But on the plus side it has done me the world of good . I never thought I would meet someone at my age lol , it is a myth age does not matter. my friends all said they would not bother again with a relationship , but that was not what i thought. So please get out there , you would be surprised how many 50 somethings are ready and longing to meet someone to share if not all their time with but a large part of their lives with ,and goodluck ! .

I have had plenty of interest online. However there is a large element of younger men after the older woman as an experience .

Your friends sound rather narrow minded and frankly a bit stupid.
You can date at any age. You're still you. It's undoubtedly harder because by now you know how awful people can be and you no longer have the ignorance that we have in our youth.
But give it a whirl, why the hell not? Just develop a thick skin. And don't expect miracles.
I'm 52 by the way

Yea give it a go and try to be openminded not all younger men just want the one thing , you never know till you give it a go !

My widowed 55 Yr old brother met his lovely slightly older divorced new girlfriend at work. Its had its issues but no more than other couples where there's older children, an ex and grandchildren. But he's bowled over he's met someone and it's been three years now. It happens.

Friends over 50 met at dancing. They holiday all over the place, cycling and backpacking and have a blast.

One of our neighbours met someone in her late fifties. He was actually someone she had known years ago then bumped back into socially. So don't rule out people you already know.

P.S.By the way I knocked back the guy I am now dating 3 times as I thought I could not date him because I was very wary especially of him being 5 years younger how wrong I was !

I'm 59, spent most of my life in a not very satisfactory r'ship, and only got together with my current partner 2 yrs ago when I was 57. By then I was absolutely convinced that I was no longer interested in any kind of r'ship and had totally given up on the idea, not to mention the kind of self-maintenance that you are clearly better at than I am!! When my current partner (whom I had known for years as friend and colleageu) asked me whether I'd consider a r'ship with him, I told him I had given up on men as I couldn't make them happy on any level. You can probably guess my confidence level was low. Anyway eventually I felt I should give it a chance, got together with current partner and have not looked back since. We are very happy and he thinks I am beautiful. Please don't listen to others; you are the sole expert on your own life and you are not too old.

Lovley story Dushenka :)

Another thing. If you asked me whether I'd date again if anything happened to my relationship I'd probably say no as it's a bit shit at the moment. And that might colour my responses to a friend....

My friend met her 2nd husband at 59. She is a very sociable person and had to kiss a few frogs via online dating, and then her now DH moved in next door! He came around to introduce himself, and it was love at first sight.

Another friend met her now DH at 46.

Another friend met her DH at 43 and started a family. 2nd DC arrived when she was 45.

50 is not old!

Mid fifties and single for eight years after a very long marriage. All my married friends say they wouldn't bother again, all my single ones really want to meet someone.

I live in an area with a very elderly population. Had several goes at OLD and hated it. Most men interested in me were in their seventies and I'm really not up for that. Strangely, the ones I meet in real life are generally much younger and often married.

I think I'm becoming fussier as I've realised I've got a lot to lose. I don't let lack of a partner stop me travelling, for instance, but I do miss little things like cooking for someone and talking about a film we've just seen.

My Mum was widowed at 51 and met a new partner online dating about 4 years later. They were very happy for 8 years, sadly he died in his early sixties though.

Hi, I was 49 when I met my dp 3 years ago on online dating. We are extremely happy - you need to have a tongue in cheek attitude and be able to weed out all the idiots just looking for sex.

My advice is chat online for a while before meeting. Genuine guys will be happy to get to know you. My other advice is don’t reveal too much information in the early days re finances etc.

Good luck, hope it goes well.

Some women get funny when a friend becomes single, especially if you're attractive. It may be why some are unsupportive now that you're ready to mingle...

50's isn't old. I met someone at 51 at work having dabbled in online dating. He's a couple of years older than me. I thought I'd never want to live with a man again when my marriage ended but time gives you a different perspective. This is the best relationship I've had.
I agree with the PP who said friends are possibly unhappy with their relationships and would love nothing more than to be free and can't imagine wanting to be in another relationship. Or they're in the 'nobody could replace my partner I'd rather be alone' space, which is fine till you've actually been alone for a while.
Go for it.

Def not too old! Perhaps they're used to you being on hand if they want someone to chat to, and don't like the idea of change - who knows, but they're not being very supportive.
You have every chance of meeting someone nice online, (I speak from experience :-) ). As in real life, not everyone will be a match for you, but you are in control. If they seem odd, move on, or if they're years younger, they're probably not for you.
Personally, I expected to chat or email online quite a bit to get to know someone before meeting, but many people on here have said you should meet quite quickly to avoid investing too much in someone you find you don't click with in real life. Do what suits you.

Three of my friends have got married at around this age through online dating.

One of them was an extremely wealthy woman. They all seem quite happy though I think my very wealthy friend was mad marrying a declared bankrupt. I sadly fell out with one as I pointed out her BF very controlling behaviour. I still feel sad about it but don't like seeing people treated badly.

Thank you for all the lovely stories, and also for the cautionary tales!

I was so fed up when I posted this morning but have spent the day with family and just caught up with all of this. I feel so much better now, thank you for taking the time to reply💐

I do think you might be on to something with my friends - they are all married so may well be so loved up that they can't imagine life with anyone else, or so miserable that they'd be thrilled to find themselves alone.

It is certainly scary to put yourself out there after a very long relationship but I've got decades left yet I hope, and don't want to be alone forever even though the process of finding someone is terrifying.