Am I in a controlling relationship??

[Becky2215]

Hi there ,
Need a little advice before I go completely crazy, basically been with my partner for 8years . Our relationship is ok most of the time , we’re happy ect . He works hard , I’m currently at home mum looking after our 3children . He does what he likes when he likes. No questions asked !!such Like lads holidays , nights away , nights out on the beer and so on regularly . Which isn’t a proem at all for me, We all only live once ... when it comes to me being invited anywhere or going out for drinks of dinner with friends or even coffee next door . He changes , questions what I do , why would I want to goo out with them. Why I have make up on , hounds me with calls and text no matter where I am or who I’m with . I get the silent treatment, just makes me feel utter rubbish when ever I leave my house with out my kids or him. Guilt trips me by saying stuff like “it’s because you don’t come near me “ or “I just feel like you don’t love me” it’s constant . I feel so low and rubbish I have like two friends who he even complains when they call /FaceTime me because it’s apparently wired . I just don’t no if it’s me because he is making me out to be completely crazy. He’s slowing stealing my identity . I used to be fun and out going but just hate to leave the house to save the drama for he kids sake . .. what am I supposed to do ??

Becky yes, he is controlling, and your mum is worse than useless. Look at your parents' relationship - was your father controlling of your mother? Is she a strong, independent woman or a weak one who has given up her own identity? And if she is the latter, do you really want to follow in her footsteps?

You need to get some expert advice from Women's Aid or similar, and you need to do the Freedom Programme so that you don't get sucked in to another relationship like this one.

If I went out , we would argue . On occasions he's cried , he tracks my and would text me or call to ask why I am at yates when I told him i was going to the swan for example then that would be an issue . He would tell me we should get take way and spend the night in together . If I did change my plans he would play on his phone and fall asleep at 8. He makes me feel awful before I leave , takes it out on the kids .so then while I'm out I hate him and don't get home till 4/5 in the morning. The if I even mentioned going out again another time his reason for being queer would be that I don't roll in till morning and I won't be able to look after my kids .This has happened about 4 times in our whole relationship so it's not like I'm out all the time , because it's easier to let my friends down then deal with the drama , I miss out on everything . Bearing in mind he goes out every Friday night . Does stuff every Monday night with Friends . Saturdays he alway with mates helping them . Works Monday - Friday . So he socialises regular. I get a phone call of a friend take it and speak to her while I'm getting ready he thinks I'm strange and my friends shouldn't phone me so much it's odd ect .. so many little things I would bore you all day . But it's this little things that have mounted to this

Please, please, please leave. It will escalate to accusing you of having an affair with a colleague he will continue until you are a shell of a person constantly treading on eggshells to keep the peace and your DC will too

Sorry but your mum has given you the worst advice, that is not the advice of a loving mother. I would not want your life and wouldn’t want my daughter to have your life either. I’d tell my daughter to chuck him out and I’d be there to support her in any way I could so she would be happy again.

So you now have a choice, you put up with him and accept this is your life or you tell him the truth, that he’s suffocating you and taking your identity, you don’t love him anymore and want him to leave and have a happy life. Get your personality and self respect back.