there are cracks forming and I don't know what to do next

[quietlyworried]

DH and me have been together 11 years. Recently (maybe even a year) I feel we are not getting along the way we should. We have always had an honest and steady relationship, supportive on both sides. Ups and downs but came through them ok.

Now we are bickering and snapping a lot, there is a loss of respect on both sides, we irritate each other. It feels like if one says black the other says white.

It feels longer term than just something a "nice meal without the children" will fix. But I'm not sure what to do. I don't feel we are 'bad' enough for counselling (god knows what he'd say to that anyway!!) but I think without a change we are on the beginning of separate roads.

We occassionally chat about this (I bring it up) but nothing happens.

We have a regular and really brilliant sex life. I notice that I really enjoy the sex (we both do) but it could be anyone with me, we certainly don't have tender, romantic lovemaking anymore. I see that as a bit of a flag.

I don't have much time as I'm going out now but.......what do you think?

afternoon bump

Sorry no one has gotten back to you on this. Here's my thought.

Be the change, don't talk about it. Be tender, cuddly, sweet and loving. Say things that might feel a little silly but mean them! Wrap your arms around him when he /you get home, hold him tight, take a deep breath at his neck, just taking him in. Let him feel adored. Everyone needs that, give it generously and I bet it comes back to you. Might take a bit, he might even react poorly and hurt your feelings at first, but it's just that you two are out of the habit. It will become more natural.

Do it right away, don't wait! The great news is that you have great sex. Just MAKE it be about how much you love him/each other.

Good luck!

qw at least you have spotted the early signs. Make the difference now. He will follow your lead. Try different things and it will make things more exciting. Maybe ask him if he has noticed any changes lately.