Sex and lack of it

[Wirrallass]

I'm in my 40's and have been with my boyfriend for just over a year. We only have sex once every 1-2 weeks and it's killing me 🙈 he has had his problems and I've been so patient. He lost his wife a couple of years used to drink a lot but it seems to me he's just not interested in an active sex life. He's had the odd time when he's suffered impotence and he's put a bit of weight on which I guess has contributed to a lack of confidence. I'm bloody terrible I'd be up for it every other day if I could 😂. Sometimes I'm put off making the first move as he just doesn't seem interested and I'm terrified of being knocked back. It's starting to knock my own confidence... it's been another 2 weeks and I'm going nuts here lol .. what's the best way to approach this or should I just give up 😣😣 a male opinion would be great! Thanks for reading!

Have you thought about couples therapy?

Doubt he'd go for it tbh. Maybe I'm the one being unreasonable... having been in a long 20 odd year marriage previously I don't have much experience with other relationships if you understand that?

How much sex did you have in your marriage?

About 2-3 times a week

Just tell him its making you unhappy. Don’t drop hints & be direct. YANBU with what you want

I'm gonna have to :( it's hard enough getting a kiss and a hug from him....

Year in and you only get rare kisses or hugs? It feels like you’re basically incompatible in this regard.

Me too. It just isn't true women don't want sex as much as men. My experience is it's the other way around.

You're not compatible with these different sex drives.

If he has had issues with impotence in the past, then shunning intimacy of any sort is understandable. A kiss, or hug, that would not lead anywhere under normal circumstances is loaded with threat to him.

Once you get your head around that, then approach him and work on ways of satisfying your needs without him having to supply an erection. He needs to believe that sex doesn't have to be classic PIV stuff, so try oral, sex toys, strap-ons, or whatever it takes for him to get you off. Once the pressure to be erect is removed, there ought to be less fear on his part. There is an amazing amount of fun to be had without traditional penetration, but the key to unlocking it is communication. Talk with him, talk to him, until he understands how much you need sex, and how he can have fun in seeing that you get it. Good luck, and BTW this is a man's point of view.

Maybe he misses his wife....

Maybe he doesn’t have a high sex drive.

Dont be a sex pest. Consider endingvthe relationship

A year in? I’d walk away. It’s not what you want and it’ll start ruining what’s good about the relationship.

You deserve to be adored and feel gorgeous and desirable.

It’s not going to get better.

Thank you for your input everyone xxx

How much sex did you have the first 6 months ?

My husband and I had sexual 3-4 a day first 6 months taht went down to 2 times a day when we moved in together - go figure ?
Then I hit seriously ill and we couldn’t for 7 months
Since then it’s 1-2 times a week and for me it’s not enough my husband works 7 days a week and he’s exhusted but it Ann it’s me too as it’s an important part of our relationship

I ask how was sex at the start as I know we have lots when first together but 1-2 times every 2 weeks seems low
He may have depression that effects your liabdo

Tbh he's always had a low sex drive from what I'm used to. Or maybe as I was in such a long marriage maybe I know no different and think men should be wanting it all the time lol. I am aware depression may be the cause. I'm very patient and understanding xx

I’m 22 and we go through phases of up to a month between having sex.
People have different sex drives - you’re not compatible.

Is your bf the only breadwinner ? Men fret far more about financial matters than most women realise. When my other half began to take more of the responsibilty for paying her way through her extravagant lifestyle ,her almost daily requirement for sex began to decrease . Ask him if he has financial problems that you might be able to help with.
If this is not the case in your situation and you are already making a useful contribution ,suggest that he has his testerone levels checked and also change his diet. Low testosterone is more widespread nowadays but is quite easily remedied.
Working long hours and a poor hurried diet contribute to many male libido problems.
Communication is the answer.
Hope that you have a happy outcome..!