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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

'Girls night' - AIBU??

7 replies

user1486956786 · 01/04/2018 14:48

I want honest opinions. I went out with a girl friend today and out of know where towards the end my partner just turned up and joined us.

Am I being unreasonable to find this really weird? Why can't I have a night out with a girlfriend without him and who just turns up unannounced??

When in a relationship surely it's still normal to have nights out with just 'the girls'? Or am I being immature thinking this way...?

(I don't go out with friends very often, particularly in comparison to him and his very active social life).

OP posts:

mindboggled88 · 01/04/2018 14:51

It would make me think he was jealous/controlling. I know someone whose DH does stuff like this and he's emotionally abusive but she won't do anything about it.

Not suggesting that's what is going on with you, but perhaps he thinks you might cheat on a night out and was trying to catch you out?

DamsonOnThisDress · 01/04/2018 14:52

Not unreasonable to go out with your friends and expect him not to turn up.

How weird was it? Was he out with friends and just happened to bump in to you and thought it ok to join you for the craic or did he purposely gatecrash? Is he insecure?

category12 · 01/04/2018 14:54

It's weird. I expect he has other red flag behaviours too?

mumgointhroughtorture · 01/04/2018 14:55

Did you tell him where you were ? Or did he ask?
One of the red flags you need to listen to , he does sound controlling / jealous . In healthy relationships both parties go out with their friends and both are happy about it .

ShapelyBingoWing · 01/04/2018 14:56

If I were your friend I'd think that either you weren't enjoying yourself out with me and had discretely asked him to 'surprise' turn up or that you were in an abusive/controlling relationship and weren't able to simply ask him why he's gatecrashing downtime with your friends.

Mxyzptlk · 01/04/2018 14:59

I can imagine my DH doing this, if he happened to see me & my friend in the pub. He wouldn't realise I might not like it.
He definitely wouldn't turn up there on purpose, tho. That would be odd.

Skippetydoodah · 01/04/2018 15:04

DH and I might do this to each other, in the past when we used to go out more one of us would often go and find the other if we were out elsewhere and had enough of what we were doing / stuck indoors and bored etc. But then we are not really into 'girls / boys' nights out and would both be welcomed by each other's mates in that scenario. I guess it depends what your relationship is like and what you think his motives are in turning up.

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