He should support me with our DD

[lolaflores]

Our DD2 is 10 and is very much into the early teens.
So many times DH and I have had conversations about how important it is to take all her IT stuff off her at 10pm because she will sit up all night on it. He stays up later than I do but he seems to be pretty inconsistent about it. I go to bed earlier but he assures me he will do it.
We are on hols. This morning she is zombie girl.
We went out for a bit and she is in a daze, white as a sheet and crabby. I asked her something and got grumpy, lippy, rolly eye response.
He was behind me and rather than support me, or ask her to be a little less grumpy, he says nothing.
later on, I am on the toilet and she is banging on the door shouting at me to get out.
Nothing from Dh.
He seems to ignore her behaviour. I don't want to get into a fight with her but I reprimand her but it seems pointless when I am the only one pulling her on her behaviour.
I have spoken to hi about it. He says he does call her on her attitude but not when I am around....which makes no sense.
He doesn't seem to understand why I am frustrated. I don't think this is parenting as a unit or respectful of my position. True, I should be able to handle her myself, but there are times when he ought to stand with me on our expectations of her behaviour.

Yes he should really. Perhaps he just thinks that if you're there and the bad behaviour is aimed towards you then you deal with it and there's nothing for him to do.

Men really are a lot simpler than us.

All you can do is tell him what you would like and how it makes you feel currently.

What time does she go to bed? If you're taking stuff off her at 10pm that suggests she goes to sleep later than 10pm. I have an 8 year old so not sure what time 10 year olds go to bed but 10pm sounds late for a 10 year old.
Is she overtired? Your partner absolutely should be siding with you on this.

mind you have paraphrased what he said. He thought I had resolved it. he didn't seem to get why I was frustrated.
He got defensive about it and during the conversation decided to check his phone...at which point I walked out.
I could chew the leg of the chair I am so angry

Usually she is asleep by 10pm duirng term time but as its the hols, a bit later, but I think it might be past midnight.
She is totally overtired. Bleary, blood shot eyes and pasty faced.

Take her stuff off her when you go to bed? Be more strict and take the stuff away from her for several hours if she's not doing as she's told, she then may learn not to do it.

You and your DH need to be on the same wavelength, you need to speak to him again separately from your children.

Yes speak to him alone but also you need to try and get the 10yo to bed earlier. I used to go to bed at 10 at that age but I was actually asleep not staying up til midnight. She's a growing girl and will need the sleep, and it will only benefit you if you can manage it as her behaviour will get better. If so then there may be less conflict between you and your H too.

I have 5 teenage DCs and all gadgets go off at about 7pm. My youngest (12) is in bed for 9:30pm. Definitely no IT in the bedroom.

@lolaflores Sounds like he wants to be the "good cop". I would either walk away and let him deal with her behaviour see how he likes being the bad cop or have it out with him and say he needs to grown a spine and back u up. Could you not also take away the tech stuff when you go to bed?

10pm for devices is way too late. By all means let her stay up til a time of your choosing but devices should be off and in another room way earlier than that. They are hideous for good sleep habits.

If she wants or chooses to stay up late she can read or listen to a radio or whatever.

Start taking her devices off her at 8pm at the latest.

Firstly, 10pm is far too late to be taking devices of a 10 year old. As said, 8pm at the latest.
No devices in the bedroom at all, and no unsupervised use.
And what is she accessesing when she is alone? Is she on social media? Do you know?
If you haven't already, search her devices to see what she has on it.

Your DH needs to get on board but start taking control of the devices much earlier at night. You have the right idea, but take it further.

Electronics until TEN pm for a 10yo? During term time?

Is this real?

Our 12 year old has no devices after 9 so on that basis I’d find 10 for a 10 year old very late. Is she not permanently exhausted?

My 14 year old is tech down at 8.00pm and lights off 9.00pm. Maybe half an hour later in the holidays.

OP,
Your 10 year old bangs on the bathroom door ?
Your 10 year old rolls her eyes at you ?

You NEED to deal with your rather spoilt DD behaviour, and not rely on your DH.

Her bedtime is far too late for her age.

Sounds like your 10 year old runs the home, if you can't control her behaviour now, you'll have no chance when she's a "real teenager".

Stop depending on DH who's as good as told you "I'm not bothered about DD"

You need to stop having conversations and just take actions.
At 7pm take her phone/tablet away from her.
Have you any idea how bad it is for a child's mental and physical health to have unfettered access to gadgets for hours on end?
You are damaging her long term health.

You need to be more disciplined! I'd take it off her even earlier. Ridiculous that kids are addicted to technology these days they're completely missing the outside world!