Would it bother you?

[frustrated18]

If your dh/dps ex contacted him for emotional support?

Married to dh, have a baby of our own on the way. He has a ds with ex.

She recently split with her partner and I've realised she has been contacting my dh for support. He has told her he's not able to help her in anyway and the conversations they should have should only be about ds.

I've always felt very insecure of her and this just proves why. She will ring him when he's on his way to work (I'm not around).

She still feels like she has some kind of hold over him. As a father, yes totally. They need to parent together 100%.

I wouldn't be saying this if she hadn't made our lives hell in the past. Making our wedding difficult, threatening to split us up at the start of this ur relationship. She's also trapped dhs arm in his car door when dropping ds off due to her anger. Left is badly bruised. When she's drunk, she will text him with loads of xxxxx on the end.

When she got with her partner, she rang dh to say she had some news and how nervous she was about telling him. The person she was with was someone dh sort of knew, not even a friend really. However she rang him to say 'I'm seeing xxx, please be ok with it, I don't want to upset you' Then dh replied 'I'm happy for you, why would I be bothered about who you are seeing?'

She was shocked at his reply, like she would of expected him to be gutted or something. We were 3 months away from getting married at this point.

Fast forward to now and they've split.

I'm obviously pregnant and my emotions are all over the place but I'm feeling really uncomfortable about it all now.

I don't for a second think he would go back to her, I don't think he will cheat.

And yes, I know she's the mother of his child. I know they will always have contact and I need to deal with that. I know all this and I'm fine with it.

But her crying down the phone to my dh about her split with her bf is too much for me.

It sounds like your DH is doing the right thing in the way he’s handling it. He can’t go nc because of his DC so all he can do is put the phone down when she starts off on her personal problems.

You trust him and you can’t make her stop calling him, so it’s one you just have to try and ignore as best you can. If it gets too much for him then I guess your DH could see the police about harassment, but that’s a pretty big step for something that’s likely to die off if he only responds when it’s directly about the DC.

As long as he only responds about their DC and grey rocks any other conversation, she'll eventually get the message.

I hope she does, it's been 4 years now.

It would annoy me if he was pandering but he's handling it well so I'd trust that he was handling it and try and switch off to it. Easier said than done, especially when you're pregnant, I know.

He's doing his best to not let her encroach on your relationship so try to enjoy your pregnancy and don't let her spoil it for you.

Oh 4 years. She's not getting it is she.

Could he switch all communication to emails/text about son and avoid other contact like these phone calls he's having to deal with?

He maybe needs to be firmer with the boundaries.

Can you make a point of not discussing it with him. If you don’t know what she’s saying or doing you can’t stress about it. He has no option but to be pleasant to her. But you should stay well away.

Not really, I don't think me being pregnant has helped either. She's bound to feel jealousy over that.

Dh FaceTimes everyday so it would be hard to cut contact that way.

I think I'm just going to have to put up with it for now.

Yes I'd be really uncomfortable with it but it sounds as if your DH is dealing with it well and anything more may compromise his position with his child, so I think you are right that you will have to put up with it unless your DH makes a decision to do something more. Has he got parental responsibility, so that if it did come to it, he could get legal access to his child?

Presuming they don't have this arrangement already of course

Sounds like my DP's ex. Try and keep most contact about DS which he seems to be doing.

I agree with previous posters maybe make a point not to know about her contact while pregnant and early days of baby's life. Less stress.

Thanks for replies.

I went with dh tonight to drop ds off, I never usually do but we were going out for a meal which was on the way. We were both dressed up etc, her face was a picture when she came out to the car and realised I was there. Not impressed at all as usually this is when she tries to keep him talking.

We went out for the meal and ended up having a good chat about it. I didn't even bring it up, the conversation went that way and dh gave me nothing but reassurance which was great as that's what I needed to hear. She did keep trying to FaceTime him when we were out but we only realised when we got back to the car. He FaceTime her back to speak to ds but she was in a mood because he didn't answer the first time. It was clear we were going somewhere but anyway.

He knows I don't feel comfortable with her at all. He has always known as I'm not the type to hold something when there is something on my mind. Sometimes it just gets to me a little bit more than it should.

she sounds desperately sad.... try not to let her get you down.. your DH sounds great..

Thank you, he is a good one and I feel very lucky. I think she now realises that she made a massive mistake in her relationship with him but it's too late now obviously