Scared of life after divorce

[ProseccoAndFries]

I realise this sounds pathetic.

Currently going through divorce after H had EA and left. I didn’t want him to. Separated 18 months as divorce is dragging on. I am so scared of what comes after. It’s not the living on my own or finances, I’m very independent. It’s the emotional side. I’m 35, haven’t got dc yet but do crave stability, my own family, just someone to share my life yet. Still, I can’t actually imagine being with someone. I don’t know why, there seems to be a barrier in my head.

What can I do? I’m scared of being alone forever.

I’m spending Easter with my sister and her family. I’m so jealous of the laughter, the chaotic house full of life. I know of course it’s not all easy having a family but I can’t help feeling that way. I feel horrible about myself.

It doesn't sound pathetic. Hope not anyway as I can understand. Husband has said he wants to split and like you I don't want to. We have one DC so that differs but I also can't imagine sharing my emotional life with someone else.
There are some ongoing threads under Divorce and separation that it might be useful to jump on.

Stop putting pressure on yourself, live your life and someone may come along. Don't spend your life looking for someone because it's wasted time and you may well end up settling. If you settle then you'll probably end up divorced anyway.

Thank you. I try to live my life as much is possible just finding it hard not to focus on what I don’t have.

Hey OP, I´m in a very similar situation, my wife left just over two years ago and the divorce finalised last year. Very much unwanted from me. I'm 39 (m) and she's almost 36. One of the major contributing factors in the fact that I was really keen on a family, for her, it was very much something for 'the future', 'in a few years'. As with you I only really wanted to do it with her.
I don't have any cheery platitudes, it's been horrifically hard to deal with, but essentially you have to cone to accept your situation. If we're honest there is a very high possibility that the family thing won't happen, or certainly as you or I imagined it.
Enjoy your freedom and try not to ruminate over it too much, try and focus on other aspects of your life.
Sending you hugs as I know how soul crushing the whole situation is.

Thank you, Chutney. Hope you are doing ok.

I wish I had an answer but I don't,so I'll send you hugs x