Advice please, got to meet OW

[Prezel1979]

So, ExH walked out last year, bought a motorbike and went to live with a GF ten years younger than me. Because of the DCs I am now supposed
to meet OW. She is young and has no kids.

Any advice on how to arrange this? CF ExH suggested they come round for coffee at mine, which I have refused...

No agenda, don’t want to cause a ruckus. DCs like her. Can I just say “hello OW” when handing over DCs and then leave again?

I had envisaged half an hour of coffee somewhere other than my home but don’t fancy that either now...and ExH is a competent dad so even if I don’t like her there’s not a lot I can do about it.

Thanks for all advice x

I don't think there's a need to meet her. Don't do it if you don't want to OP.

How old are the children?

Is he the sort to try and rub your nose in and show her off.

I've been in this position and of course you want to/need to meet her - she is in your kids' lives.

However you don't need to go for coffee and a chat, that would be quite difficult and too artificial. How about a handover at a neutral place where you can say hello and exchange a few words and keep it neutral/civil to show your children that grownups can be pleasant to each other in testing circumstances?

Then take the kids, say goodbye and it is out of the way, so future handovers can be a quick hello/bye and stick to practical arrangements etc.

Thanks all. Dropped kids off, said hi and bye. I think that’s fine. He’s not forcing us to have a big meeting. Impt to avoid atmospheres for sake of DCs.

I think hi and bye is fine
I wouldn't do the nice chit chat nor make it seem like I care either if that makes sense
It's not her fault, it's your ex if I've read it right

My ex husbands new wife I've never even met
She doesn't look after lo on her own
He has her every other weekend for 1 night and initially I wanted to meet her but over time I've realised there's no point
My case it was her who didn't want to meet me which I found strange but now I don't care
3 years on now and
Lo is happy, she gets on with her and I trust my ex judgement so unless there were any issues then that's a different subject altogether
In fact from what lo tells me she is really lovely
In fact sometimes I don't think it's down to even trust? It's just one of those things that when people break up you have to just accept
I'm thank you I can be amicable with my ex as I know some people can't and can't due to circumstances beyond their control
Sounds like you have done the right thing

I don't understand why you had to meet her tbh. He's perfectly capable of looking after them, no need to meet her at all imo.

How are the skidmarks in your pants coming along?"

You need to do what you feel most comfortable with. I myself would refuse the meeting altogether. Don't be forced into meeting her. You are absolutely not obliged to. And you certainly do not need to host her as a guest in your house. Your ex has a guilty conscience and wants to make everything all right again. Well he can't. That would be my take on it.

If you don’t want to meet her you don’t have to. My exh’s first girlfriend was lovely and after accidentally ending up in a pub on our own we became good friends. His second girlfriend, however, didn’t want any contact (with her or between me and my exh’s), I tried to be polite but she wouldn’t even wave back if I waved on pick ups. She seemed seething with anger all the time so I just stayed at a distance.

My first partner after divorce had a lovely ex wife, we could have a light hearted civil conversation on pick ups. Second partner’s Ex wife... very controlling woman who at some point demanded to meet me to “check I was safe around his child”. I thought “she can go and fuck herself” but politely asked my partner to tell her that we could meet when our relationship became more formal. By the time it did, neither of us was bothered at all about meeting. The child didn’t die.

Do as you please, whatever works for you, you don’t even need to have a cup of coffee to meet her, just be at the garden when they arrive, shake hands, smile, send the kids running to them, wave and go inside.

Just a simple hello and goodbye should do it. DPs ex wanted to meet me, and after some discussion and thought I decided against it. But she's difficult. Go with your gut.

You don't need to meet her, just saying a polite hello and goodbye or wave is perfectly adequate. You may need to have the odd chat now and again if there is anything specific to tell them, such as sports equipment or cookery ingredients needed. That's about the extent of my interactions with my husband's ex over the years.