Post here if you're avoiding messaging HIM

[HoursOfFun]

Long story short - posting here to stop myself messaging someone.

I will not be needy, will not, will not, will not.

I'm following a strict self imposed rule of no double messaging - just replying to his.

But it's killing me tonight. I really miss him.

But fuck it. If he can't find time to message, he's not into me. End of.

Apologies. Batshit post. Just strengthening my resolve. Please join me if you care to.

Evening ~ I'm lurking on Mumsnet to pass the time so I don't message the DH (long story too ~ trying not to be 'little wife at home' and more 'international woman of mystery' siiiiigh )
We can do it !

In the same boat! Trying to sleep to distract my self but my head won't stop!

We can do it!

Stay strong

If they want to contact, they can

Fuck them

I am sick of feeling needy

I need to go cold turkey

It can be done, I've done it before

Here's to non- texting dignity!!! We have the power!!!

Don't do it! I'm a hypocrite mind, I never last long in my no contact attempts, back with HIM pah.

I'm here. It's so hard!! I literally think about it daily. When does the feeling of not wanting to contact them pass

Stop bashing yourself for feeling needy. You want to feel wanted. Most everyone does and there is nothing wrong with that. Just stop wasting your time on people who don't deserve it.

I struggle with this. I can be needy and find it hard not to text him. But then if someone texts me too much it puts me off. So i see it from both sides.

I managed to get myself into a routine of never texting him first. Its quite easy now (most of the time). And actually its improved the relationship, it took a while but it made me less intense. Once i got used to it, i have relaxed. It seemednto come hand in hand. We both give eachother space which is good for us. We are both recently out of long marriages. Intensity is not what we need.

But there are times i find it really hard and just want to talk to him.

Social media, texting, WhatsApp etc; has made a lot of us 'needy' for lots of communication. In the Olden Days of landlines only, when I was young, it would be "I'll ring you Tuesday after work". Constant calls would be seen as excessive - now we crave the fix of our phone notifications pinging.

I know that in a new dating/relationship scenario, messaging bombardments from men seem the norm, which gradually diminishes once 'the chase' is toned down.

Conversely, endless messaging can be seen as a form of control - checking up on whereabouts, length of time between replies etc.

I am angry with the man in question at the moment so I'm partly stopping myself from because I don't believe any good comes from angry messages - anything important should be said face to face

Also I am not sure if I should actually end the relationship and I feel like some mental space will help make that clearer in my mind

Also I want to test myself and make sure I'm not over relying on messages - I think they can become a quick fix and substitute for actually relating to each other

Also though he says he loves me, my spider senses tell me otherwise and I want to see what happens if I just lean right back

He's away as well with lots of people and I absolutely do not want to be the one initiating contact when I'm just at humdrum work this week

Anyway - we can do this!! Every couple of hours I don't message, I'm giving myself a cup of tea or something and I'm hoping the urge will just fade the longer I go on

And when he messages me I will not answer for some hours - if at all, depending on what he says

I just need to re set the emotional dial in my head.

Hours I can relate to everything you've said on your last post. I was once used as a 'virtual girlfriend' by someone who had no intentions of meeting me in real life!

And yes, rows conducted over messaging apps are futile. (Guilty!)

Double messaging! Didn’t even know there was a name for it, but I do it all the time and then regret it! Gotta break that cycle! 😡

Even though you're not messaging you are still playing his game by trying not to message.
No man is worth the torment you are putting yourself through, not one of them.
If you are trying not to text someone because they have shit on you and you have already decided you won't reply when they do text my guess is this isn't a relationship anymore, its done.
Rather than trying to pretend to be a strong independent woman who deserves respect why not actually be one.
He's shit on you and being with him makes you feel needy and quite frankly the shit in your head doesn't sound like fun.
So set some boundaries, draw some lines and take the control back because even though you're determined not to text him you're still waiting around for him to text you, so it's just still all about what he does next isnt it.
Decide you don't want to feel like this anymore, decide he isn't worth driving yourself bat shit crazy over, decide you deserve respect and call it day. Move on in your own head and then it doesn't matter whether he texts or not and when he does decide he has nothing to say that you need to know and delete it without reading.
Don't try and play games about not texting/replying etc to make him see the error of his ways. Tbh if he gave a shit you wouldn't be needing to worry about how many times you had text him.
Be that strong take no shit girl you are trying to make him think you are by actually being strong and not taking his shit.

I think moving on in my head so it doesn't matter if he makes contact or not is key

But to get to that stage I have to go through this hell of cold turkey and just get through the hours of waiting / checking

Anyway he's liked some of my SM posts today but no message

I'm staying strong

I wil not break

If he wants to contact he can

If not, fuck it

Don't compensate by overdoing SM or he might see that as indirect contact. You can do this!

Same here. OH in a mood all week. Attempts to ask what's wrong have resulted in accusations I'm analysing him or nagging.

I've told him I'm not engaging any further until he tells me what's wrong.

Oh god I'm in the same boat, been here countless times.
I know he's no good for me but I go back every time because it's 'easy'

@HoursOfFun I could have written your op. Solidarity sister!

I’m so so so angry. He wa smeant to be returning things to me via a mutual friend on Friday. I returned the thing so promised. But he didn’t because he thought it would make me break and email. But it bloody buggery won’t make me break and email you bastard.

Ok I may have misunderstood the original message. But I am still avoiding messaging someone lol. Sorry

Just re-installed messenger, typed name in and came out again. Going to delete messenger! Not a romance but a male friend who has pissed me off so have resolved to only reply if he contacts first. I want to show support for a milestone coming up, but he's not there for me, so got to look out for myself first.

Can I join- I sent him a text yesterday asking if he wanted his electric toothbrush posting back.
Wtf is wrong with me!

I've deleted his number to stop me lurking on whatsapp

Bloody social media. Wish could go back to old days of phone box if wanted to make private call and no idea what anyone else doing. (Showing my age there lol)
Could say delete it all I know, but its so addictive.

I’m 28 and I grew up with social media but oh my days does it complicate life! 8 days no contact with my ex now and I go online to see a photo of him!! Didn’t like it and went running instead. Then he is liking my run despite not running himself - why go on strava then but to check up on me? Jeez I don’t have experience of relationships pre mobile phones but i’d prefer it to this!