Been with him 6 years & we have 3 kids

[thebumpyride]

Pretty much what the caption says. But my partner and I have been rocky for a very long time. He's always depended on me financially (has only had a job for 2/6 years we've been together). When I don't give him what he wants he makes me feel AWFUL. He comes home steaming drunk and pushes me around and wakes all 3 of our kids up. He tells me I'm the one who's wrong and has a go at me for things even I can't control. I just can't take it anymore but I'm so scared of being alone. I have NO friends and no one I speak to on a daily basis - not even family. I love my kids but they are still so young so I really do feel alone. My kids are 4, 1 and 6 months. I just feel so lost and really suicidal. I have even gone as far as planning how I'll take my life and how I'll live my last day alive. The only thing keeping me alive is knowing I wouldn't even trust my own family or my partner to raise my kids. All I want is to give them a good life and I'm struggling so bad mentally.

Womens Aid number 0808 2000 247

Please call them (or the Samaritans). You need to talk to someone about the suicidal feelings (which are absolutely NOT your fault, they are 100% the fault of your abusive arsehole of a partner).

I'm not going to say LTB immediately - my sister was in an abusive marriage and I know how hard it is to get out.

But long term you have to leave.

Start thinking about the practicalities. I'm guessing from your OP you're not married. Do you own the house? If so, whose name is on the mortgage? If not, whose name is on the tenancy? (Citizens' Advice Bureau may be able to give you legal advice).

You say you're the main earner. What do you do for childcare and could you cover childcare costs on your own? Is he a SAHD (and thus likely to get more than 50-50 custody)? Remember if he drinks regularly to the extent of getting "steaming" you may want to be able to document his alcohol abuse to show he's not a fit parent for the children to be left alone with.

Do you have copies of all the financial details?

He's not a partner, he's a shit and you deserve a life free of him.

Oh Op, l am so very sorry you feel this way, please focus on the fact you are blessed with 3 beautiful children, you are their world.

This horrible man is making you feel this way, just kick him out....what could possibly be harder than living with that awful behavior?

Nothing, in fact it will all get much better, happier Dcs , no stress for you and without his financial drain, more money for you and Dcs.

You can make friends once your life is on a better footing, in the mean time post on here there are loads of womens who have been through similar who will support you on here..

Also unload to the Samaritans, you are struggling mentally due to the stress of this vile man, get rid of him and your MH will improve....imagine the relief of putting your Dcs to bed and having a long bath and book with no interruptions, no drunk abusive man crashing in....

Please leave him, you have a job and home it is possible. Handhold from here..

Right, pretty awful situation. So what you’re describing is domestic abuse - some physical violence with emotional abuse and probably coercion and control. It sounds like you have the income between the two of you. Do you have access to any funds? In your position I would get the hell out - either by leaving and going to a refuge or even better by reporting to the police and getting him out. You need to talk through the matter properly though with someone who can discuss the practicalities with you around rights & housing, civil orders, etc etc so I would suggest a call to Women’s Aid. ( as is always the advice in these situations.) Otherwise your children are likely to suffer horrible damage as a result of living in this toxic situation. I think you’ll find that once you’re separated your mental health will improve. Good luck - I hope you seek out some help.

So sorry you’re going through this OP, please contact Women’s Aid as soon as you possibly can, they will support you

How are you, OP? I hope the long weekend hasn’t been too awful. Lots of us here if you want to talk

Am here too OP

Women's aid. I have been where you are . Please please make sure your using contraception so you don't fall pregnant again. Sounds harsh but please don't.

Been there. Worst feeling in the world bending down to my 5 month old son and not being able to pick him up because the pain of the blood rushing to my two black eyes was too much.

Being called a cunt and a cancer on another occasion. As the kids get older the blame game will intensify as the problems with children come too. Being rude, being lippy, toilet training or whatever parenting conundrums are thrown at you. If he's like that he will keep blaming you . Please ring women's aid and please do not get pregnant by him again .