I have been good friends with a guy, James (not his real name) for nearly a year now. He’s been in a relationship for about 5 months. However, the girl he is with seems to have a lot of issues... she still lives with her ex and sleeps in the same bed as him... can only see James at certain times (which she dictates)... he has told me that she is quite controlling and has to make all decisions as she has OCD and borderline personality disorder... she has also said that if her ex ever finds out about James he should be very worried as he might find him and be violent etc. Basically it sounds horrible! And James is very quiet, introverted and gentle person so I worry that he goes along with things that he probably shouldn’t...
Alongside this, me and James have been spending time together one to one and an attraction has developed between us. Our friends have commented on how we always seem to seek out each other’s company and a few have even said we’d be great together.
So, a few weeks ago, we actually did spend the weekend together and we ended up sleeping together. We both felt bad afterwards because of his girlfriend and agreed never to do it again. I told him I had feelings for him and he said he is also attracted to me but that he wanted to carry on seeing his girlfriend and see if it works out. I said that is fine and I’d support him but wouldn’t wait, and I have seen other people since, but the problem is that I always compare them to James and he is the one I really want to be with.
I don’t know what to do because I see him a lot (we have the same group of friends but we will still sometimes go for a coffee or lunch and catch up one on one) and he doesn’t really hide his affection - we’re not intimate physically but he looks at me, always seems to seem out my company etc. And I kind of feel like, well, the other girl isn’t treating him well anyway so what’s the harm?
Any advice or opinions on this one?