Control ? / jealousy ?/

[givesheetsandbehappy]

Hi all,
So here what's happening atm.

I will try to be fasts as I'm sitting inside my car in a car park.

I finally started working and have the job I always wanted and even though I don't earn a fortune I can say that is all extra money to help the household and pay for things we normally couldn't when was only 1 income from my DP before.

I am a VERY stubborn, audacious and persistent person. I'm 30 and still study hard to reach my goals.
In the past when I first learned to drive I couldn't expect my DP to help me with buying me a car because he doesn't even buy for himself (always expected to have left overs from his dad) .
I saved some money and one day left the house and came back with my own car without his help.. he actually never encouraged me to have one.
He were using one car for a long time, which once belonged to his dad.

Now I am in a position that I can sell my 14 years old car and go for something newer, safer etc.... my DP is visibly angry and upset
For my decision saying that I should run the car down till it fall apart and then buy another crap car, which is absolutely not my way of thinking.

So, now I would like to know peoples opinions on this.
We obviously have very different line of thinking. I don't want a fight with him but also won't accept anyone putting me down. I think that if he doesn't want to think bigger and aim to better things in life , that he should not try bringing me down with him because I won't go ! And won't accept this sort of behaviour.

What do you think? Is he trying to control me, is he being selfish ?

Thanks :)

So he supported you on his income while you studied, meaning his money belonged to both of you, then as soon as you got some money yourself you decided that money was all yours and went and bought a car. And now you want another.

Of course you should have a safe vehicle. But you should also discuss your financial priorities. Will you jointly have to go without anything to afford your new car?

He wants to control you and is angry and upset because you will not do things his way.
Yes you do have very different lines of thought. I think your DP would be happy if you stayed home and shared the hand me down car and just ticked along with DP as the provider.
All I can say is "go girl" do what makes you happy
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.....Oscar Wilde

I think big purchases such as a car should be a joint decision because it will have a big impact on household finances.

Without hearing his argument it is hard to say how unreasonable he's being.

For example, if you are paying cash, does he think that lump sum could be put to better use? If you are taking out finance is he worried about keeping up the repayments?

So if you are awash with cash you have a strong argument but if your boiler is on its last legs, he's got a point.

Go get your new car Lady

He wasn't paying for my studies.
I always supported myself and worked from home to afford my own first car. Actually, I was saving to buy our house when I found out he started to spend on his credit cards again (after I helped him clear out 3 credit cards debits) and then I said "fuck it all" !!! And spent it in a car for myself instead..I am not talking about a fortune here ! I'm talking about a cheap £1.000 car .

Also, he was pissed off because I bough my fussy teenager a £ 16 Polo shorts for our weekend away. And he stomped and babbled some shit against my purchase saying he would never spend this money in a shorts ... come on ! I Am not a person who splashes money all the time. I don't even spend money on my own son, this was just a treat . I put all my salary in our joint savings account.

My thought is that, is not because he never have the guts to reach higher and aim for better things in life that I should stick to his low expectations .

I am also not saying about a brand new 2018 car... I'm thinking about something newer than my 14 years old car.... AIBU?

I think he is bloody selfish !

Why are you with him?

Because I still haven't decided that I don't completely love him.... because he is not a completely lost cause.... because I still have a bit of hope that with time it can still work and to keep our family together 😢

Can't deny how different we are though

Well, apologies, but you said you "finally started working" hence my comment!

If he won't spend money on anything, for what is he getting into credit card debt?

Well that's quite a drip feed.

If you can afford to spend £1000 on a car, and if there isn't anything more pressing to spend it on, then go ahead.

I assume you would be ok with him spending £1000 on something for himself too.

I disagree with the 'go girl' comments. We see plenty of posts on here from women at their wits end because their dp has blown a few hundred that they can't afford and they generally get support.

I would definitely support him if he wanted a car for himself too and we can afford it.

Thank you All for your comments ladies x

well done.. you Go Girl

Thank you for your support.
Is good to know that I have at least this space to shout out when I'm suffocating :)

Thank you Gemini69 :)