I am jealous

[Bluesue26]

I am jealous. There I said it. Split with ex 5 years ago. On off relationship with someone completely unsuitable for a while. Had a few dates. Ex met someone a year after we split. Moved them in. They split up 8 months ago. They split for the same reasons we did. He's now got another gf. I'm jealous. Not because I want to be with him. Why does he get to feel loved and wanted when he's an abusive bully? This man made my life a living hell so why does he get happiness? I'm a good person. I'm attractive, kind, funny and smart. I'm a good mum and a great friend. God it's so unfair. I hate being jealous of someone so cruel. Don't get me wrong I don't need a man to make me happy. I've worked so hard on myself but i crave feeling wanted.
Anyone have any experience of this? How did you get past it?

Personally I think it's easier for men to get into relationships than women so that's probably why.

Pressed to soon. Not much help but that's my experience so it's not you it's just easier for men to get into relationships I know lots of women the same, great personalities, very attractive but can't seem to find a partner.

I meet people all the time. I just never meet people I would be interested in. How do people just go from one to the next? Do I just settle for someone I'm not that attracted to for the purpose of having someone? I couldn't do that. When's it my flaming turn to meet someone?

Your ex needs to be with someone and can’t be on his own, that means he’ll have a string of partners but not feel love or happiness- sadly due to his insecurities he bullies and makes everyone unhappy, including himself

It's easy to meet men but not men that want relationships that's more what I meant so it's probably easier for your ex to get into relationships. If you haven't met anyone your interested in then I wouldn't worry too much then as atleast your not settling for the sake of it.

I do believe he doesn't want to be alone. That's fair enough I suppose. He'll start with the nastiness now. Making nasty remarks about me being alone and refusing maintenance. He wouldn't do it if I had a partner. Arsehole.

Well as you said you've met lots of someones but they weren't for you,and that's fair enough.
He probably has lower standards than you and no consideration of future,whether it would work for the kids etc.

That's why he finds someone and you don't.

No need to be jealous. Feel sorry for his next victim. He probably pretends and puts on a false self in the beginning.

The poor women see the real him later and then move on once they get the strength.

Why do you allow him to engage with you?

Nasty snide remarks are a sure sign of insecurity, but who cares what nasty remarks he makes about you being ‘alone’ it’s so fucking better than being with him 😂 you’re free & have your freedom to like yourself & make yourself happy.

And again if he was happy himself he would be making nasty comments to try and make himself feel better

I would suggest you remove yourself from this, don’t engage - just look straight at him and don’t answer- blank expressionless face. Do school hangovers to reduce encountering him

He's not happy though. He's so pathetic he can't be alone. If he was happy why on earth would he feel the need to goad you. He'll be with this one until it turns to shit and the next and the next but I can't imagine someone that unpleasant can be truly happy. And a relationship can't be a happy one if he's still an abusive arse.

You meanwhile got away and are getting stronger all the time so you can be happy alone and bide your time until the right one comes along and not just take up with whoever (and probably make their life a misery) like that desperado.

He has nothing, you have an inner strength which to me means you have everything.

Try no contact so he can't wind you up.

Oh no, don't settle. Never settle. I have so much respect for people who are comfortable enough in their own skin to be alone. Life is too short to be with someone not quite right. No harm in dipping toe into dating though to give yourself a boost if you fancied it. You wasted enough time on him I wouldn't waste anymore on someone else if you're not really feeling it. I'd say enjoy yourself but don't settle.

No contact isn't possible unfortunately as we have children. I blocked his calls and told him messages are to be about the kids only. He either rings the kids phones and asks them to pass them onto me or turns up at the house.
I have no feeling towards the new girlfriend whatsoever. I didn't with the last one. The jealousy isn't about them at all. I actually felt bad for the last one. I'd hoped he'd have learned not to be so horrible but no. I'm actually pretty happy alone. I pay my bills, I have a great group of friends, have a wonderful relationship with my kids, am well respected at work but I'd like someone for me eventually. I just don't find many people that attractive that I want to be with them. I wish I could change that but I can't and that's why I'm jealous.
Thank you everyone for your advice

The more time and resources you devote to worrying about what your ex is up to and who he is seeing and whether or not he’s happy, the less you will have for yourself.

Channel that negative energy and make it into something positive, for you. Focus on yourself, not him. Easier said than done but that would be my advice.

The trouble when we feel the need to say what a fabulous person we are and what a great life we have is a/ we're comparing ourselves to another person (in this case the ex). Whether its a positive or negative comparison, it's just never good and it always backfires and b/ talking about how together and brill you are (twice) makes me feel that deep down you don't believe it. And I'm sure you're every bit as ace and together as you portray but you need to get busier believing it and not giving a shit what your ex is up to.

Comparison is the thief of joy. I know that. The mental thing is I never get jealous with other people. I don't care what they have or look like. Good for them. I spent 10 years with someone who told me all the time I was stupid and not good enough. He'd scream and belittle me constantly. I've done a pretty good job of picking myself up but part of me wonders what if he's right?

You don't feel jealous of others because they didn't treat you appallingly.

He was so awful to you it's understandable that you would resent him.

You're angry because he doesn't deserve it but I think that passes in time.