How to deal with this crush?

[crushedbiscuit]

I've name changed for this.

So, I am in a long term relationship, 2 children together and house etc but we never married. Our relationship fizzled out many years ago and there is no love or affection between us anymore and definitely nothing physical.

Anyway my youngest daughter has swimming lessons every Saturday and I have developed a crush on her instructor. He is good looking and great with the children. I can't get this man out of my head! I have never spoken to him and know nothing about him!

How do I deal with this?

You have developed a crush because your relationship is dead. If you can't recover it, then start sorting out your life and splitting from DP in the most amicable way possible. Do not start acting on your crush and introduce a wholly unnecessary load of grief into what will inevitably be a difficult time for you all.

Once you have separated and had some time alone, see if you feel the same and maybe act upon it but don't rush it

You don't even know if the instructor is single, or if he'd be interested in you. It's a harmless fantasy as long as you don't act on it. If you do intend to act on it, with this man or someone else, you need to end your relationship.

Oh my god that’s the worst advice I’ve ever heard marie. If people separated every time one of them got a crush there would be zero married people.

You’re in a long term relationship and have two kids, your probably feeling a little bit bored and this is the way of your mind creating some excitement for you.
It doesn’t mean your relationship is dead but it might need a bit of oomph.

Exactly, he is probably happily married and wouldn't be attracted to me anyway but my stomach lurches when I see him or if he happens to look my way. These feelings are completely new to me, well at least I haven't felt this for about 10 years!

Imagine his toe cheese

Teahiccup the OP said herself that the relationship has been dead many years and that there's no love or affection. It's not about the crush, that's just a symptom.
You shouldn't be in a dead relationship OP. The thing with the instructor will not happen, but you might find someone that actually loves you instead of a DP that doesn't.

Do people really worry about this kind of thing? It's never going to happen is it?? The chanes are that he hasn't even noticed you and isn't interested. There's a couple of teachers down at my kids school who I think are nice but that's just life isn't it. Fancying someone is normal and you get over it. As long as you don't act on them.

This feels different though... I recognise when men are good looking but I lose my appetite every Saturday and feel nervous when I see him. It's weird, I feel like a teenager again, except I can't act on it and won't!

There's your answer then. You intend to stay in your relationship and can't act on this crush, so just enjoy the squishy feeling until it goes away (which it will eventually).

Teacup.... Oh my god that’s the worst advice I’ve ever heard marie. If people separated every time one of them got a crush there would be zero married people.

Err...I wasn't suggesting it except for the fact that she said her relationship had fizzled out years ago and essentially also no intimate contact. What I said was that if she couldn't recover it...then yes best to split. Some people stay in dead relationships for convenience or money or whatever but it isn't good for you or the kids. I would never suggest people just move on, on a whim

I know I can't act on it but in my head I want to! If he made a move on me I don't think I'd be able to resist! But in reality that won't happen, I know nothing about him and it's only in my fantasies that he actually notices me.