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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to make things better

6 replies

Flash11 · 31/03/2018 13:11

Ok, me and husband have been together for nearly 10 years, married for 9 months and we have a 3 year old DS.

Initally, we were always at it, multiple times a day, as any new couples are. Slowly dwindled.
4 years into our relationship we started IVF. For the next 3 years, we experienced multiple miscarriages and IVF's but finally we won and the prize was our beautiful son.
Obviously, all this going on, had a real impact on our sex life and have never got it back.
Since being married, its been hard and our relationship became strained. But in the last 2 months, things are so much better and im happy. But...
We havent had sex in 6 months!
Its not easy for us to have opportunity as 5 nights a week he is at work (he works nights) and at the wkend, i ALWAYS go to bed earlier than he does.
I will be honest, although i like sex, im not overly bothered by it, its not the most important aspect of our marriage and id be happy for perhaps once a month.
I have mentioned to my husband on a few occasions how long its been and that he should come to bed with his wife more than he does (he comes to bed with me maybe once every other month or so)
How can i make this better?

OP posts:
MarieG10 · 31/03/2018 14:11

Gosh...you have really been through it. No wonder your love life has suffered.

What's nice is that it really sounds like you can save it, make it better and save your marriage in the process....as you can guarantee it won't last long term if you don't have any intimacy. You really need to work together on it. Whilst difficult when he works the shifts he does, you need to come together the days he is off, have time together, nice meal and compromise on a time you go,to bed, so you go together. A weekend away sounds like something you could really do wit

Accept it will take time as well...won't get fixed overnight...but perhaps once things start working a little better, introduce a little excitement into the bedroom so not monotonous. Good luck

Nonamesleft14 · 31/03/2018 17:15

Weekend away! No child in tow. Reignite that spark. 😉

Flash11 · 31/03/2018 20:21

A weekend away maybe tricky with DS and money. We have introduced date night as we realised we hadnt had a 'date' or a simple meal out on our own since i was pregnant and DS is nearly 3!
1st date night, i got accidently completely wasted on cocktails and the 2nd one, i went to bed (at a reasonable time of 10ish) in hope he would come too but he didnt.
I know he isnt overly bothered about sex, or he doesnt seem to be, but he obviously fancies me as he shows it.
For me, im not overly bothered, but i dont want to be celibate in my early 30's.

OP posts:
Nonamesleft14 · 31/03/2018 21:42

Is there any family you could leave ds with for the weekend? Have a weekend away at home? Maybe cook a meal together.

Flash11 · 31/03/2018 21:46

I have family, but they dont have the room and im not hugely comfortable with him staying there. That said, we do have an amazing childminder who will have him overnight (for a small fortune of £50). He has stayed with her before.
We are going on holiday in June, our 1st holiday with just us 3, so although DS will be there, and i wont put out whilst there as he is in the same room, im hoping it may reignite something for when we come back.
A night away is deffo doable though.

OP posts:
Nonamesleft14 · 01/04/2018 09:51

Sounds like a plan. I think It's definitely worth saving up £50. Xx

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