Relationship advice

[Tinymum85]

Hi everyone!

I’ve just signed up mainly for some advice and to hopefully help others in similar situations.

Me and my partner have been together 15+ years and have a 6year old and a 4year old together. He’s the only partner I’ve ever had so not sure what is ‘normal’ in a relationship. For the past year things have been going really bad. I’m such a happy person when with my friends, family work or with my 2 girls but when I am with my partner I end in tears upset and don’t know what to do. I’ll explain a bit more.

For example tonight I had a lovely good Friday with the girls and we were so happy. I had the day off work and we played games all day. I put the girls to bed and my partner said that we need to go to a night out on Saturday with his friends. I said I didn’t want to bc I want to be fresh for Easter Day and I love the excitement build up the night before. He told me I was Making him look like a c**t and that I was letting him down. He started shouting at me which made me cry. I went to go upstairs and he called me a prick and my eldest heard ☹️

I explained everything was fine but she then said ‘why does Daddy always do this’ and I had never realised he did bc I’ve been so use to it. She then Brough up a situation that happened last Sunday where my 4year old could not find her sunglasses in the car. You know how they get it’s the end of the world so I was just comforting her trying to distract her. He then all of a sudden snapped and pulled up at the side of the road and said ‘I’ve had enough I can’t put up with this’. He sometimes has crazy moments like this and snaps himself out of it a few hours later. I’ve protected the girls from it loads but now as they are getting older I can’t hide his moods when he’s like that.

I am on eggshells constantly and feel out of breath and uneasy sometimes when we are alone.

In terms of advice I want to know 1. Is this just a normal everyday relationship 2. Does he need help is it bipolar disorder or something he needs to get sorted? 3. Do you think I might have done something and there is an underlying problem

I don’t know how to act to keep him happy and keep my family together ☹️

It doesn't sound normal.

4. he could just be a nasty person?

1 No, it’s not a normal every day relationship
2 No he is not Bipolar
3 It is not your behaviour
4 Read your post back, as though a friend of yours had written it.
5 What would you say to that friend?
It’s not good that you feel that you are constantly on eggshells and it’s not good for your children to think that his behaviour is normal

Does he have bi-polar? That's quite a leap.

Do you spend time together as just a couple? How has your relationship changed since having children?

Why do you allow him to speak to you like that?

Sounds like your children are already suffering. What do you think you should do?

No it’s not normal
No I very much doubt he’s bi-polar
No you didn’t do anything to cause this
No he’s not a nice person

It's not normal, he's a bastard, your children are being affected by his moods, you are all walking on eggshells.

Have you got someone you can talk to in real life?

Please no judging :) I've recently let go from my job and my partner has been working seasonal work so it closes in winter he has a part time job and the benefit system has helped us out buy I've never been happy with that. My partner seems happy with what we have which isn't a lot I want more then what we have for our child I'm not very qualified in anything other than beauty therapy we live on a very small island so its so difficult to find a job especially in a specific field. My partner on the other hand has lots of different qualifications and could get a job so benefits don't have to help us and we could have more kids or more of a life but he won't any job I talk to him about he refuses when I try to ask him why or doesn't he want more of a life he deflects the question or ignores it entirely. So my question is am I being unreasonable and how do I get him to see it my way or even answer my questions? Xx

Youngmummy28 you've responded to an old thread instead of starting your own, just a heads up

Hi Tinymum
I got so angry reading this. Please from a woman of 75 take my advice and get the hell out of there while you are still young. Do whatever it takes to get out of that situation even if it means roughing it somewhere ie living with other people or out of your comfort zone. You have to make the effort.

Who the hell does he think he is treating you and you wee family like this. I don't mean to sound harsh but you need to look at the effect of this on your children.

I stayed.. I thought because of the children but I did them more harm than good with that choice.
Wishing you all the very best the only one who can change things is yourself.
There is help out there I'm not saying it's easy you have to persevere.