Staying with him for the kids?

[SavReeWil]

Please help! I wrote a post not long ago about becoming a single mom. Since then I've said to my son's dad to try again, as friends at least to try for our children. Basically he's not trying at all. He frustrates me, upsets me and frankly couldn't give a care in the world unless it effects him.

So my question is. Do I face it all. The long hard years of being a single parent as people keep telling me it will be HARD! Like I'm choosing it willy-nilly..... Or keep letting him destroy me bit by bit, hide it from the kids and hope they are happy living with us both if I hide it and cry when they aren't here. I know it sounds dramatic but it's the truth. I have no one to help me with the boys. Everyone's busy with their own lives so it really is single parent if I take that route.

Please. I have no idea what's best.

He sounds like a total bastard. If it is more distressing to live with him than live alone then it’s what you have to do. I tried to do this with my exH and it worked minimally for a couple of years, but like yours he just couldn’t be civil or do anything for his kids. I truly hate him which is awful to say, but on,y when you escape a toxic environment do you see this .

It is a hard decision for you; but I just want to say that I was the child of parents who were unhappy together. I did not like it one bit.

I'm hoping to slowly in a horrible way but use him to the point I no longer need his help then tell him I don't need him to stay any longer. He's already agreed to leave when I am ready as he's left before. So anyone have any helpful ideas as to bathing and bedtime with 2 little ones? This is the hardest part of our day. Anything will help. Thanks.

If staying is the most unbearable thing to do.... Then leave. If there's a nagging feeling to stay in the midst of all the anger and upset you're feeling then stay for a while until the DCs are a little older, but lower your expectations of DH and reach out to some friends.
I posted on MN around 18 months ago with a similar question in a similar situation. Since DC has gone to school and life is less hectic at home, I've found myself again and begun seeing some positives in DH, whereas Before, I saw none. I think I was partly exhausted and partly depressed.
You don't need to make a decision right now, but if you decide to leave it a while until you do, pull away from your DH, build on your friendships and any other support you have and concentrate on you for a while.
If staying is more unbearable, the you know what to do. For me, leaving felt the more unbearable option even though I so wanted to leave in many ways. I would say that 80% of MN posters told me to leave him. There is a lot more to things than you can ever post in a similar for thread. Good luck x

*single thread

And p.s I am a child of parents who were extremely unhappy together and in many ways, wanted them to separate. However, I still think there are times to leave and times to make the most of a crappy situation for while.

Don't sign up for 16 years of crying and hiding your misery to "stay for the kids" ! Get out now and yes it will be hard but you can be your true self. They young enough to adapt to two homes easily.

I think it's dramatic to say "don't Sign up for 16 years of crying and hiding your misery" It may just be a case of 1 or 2 years, to get everything in order, make a plan, get a bit more sleep and get finances in order. Panic-leaving isn't going to do anyone much good.

"keep letting him destroy me bit by bit, hide it from the kids and hope they are happy living with us both if I hide it and cry when they aren't here"

Miserable for one or two years...or the whole of their childhood ....but yeh put up for some time and make a plan is a choice to make. The point is there are options and choices....but should anyone choose to sacrifice themselves ?