Help me get out this misery

[AmIGoingCrazy2345]

Hi all need a bit of advice please.
Not great on this!

I think I'm in a terribly abuse relationship, I've been with guy for 14 years and I'm so unhappy. We have 2 kids, both work and not live a fairly normal life, well on outside.

Here's a little info to what's up:

At start he was amazing would do anything for me (still would on good days) but I noticed he was pretty protective from start, I thought amazing! Considering my shit childhood where no one bothered!! Anyway things moved fast, we met 4 weeks afternoon his 6 year relationship! I was 17 him 23! Age gap wasn't an issue giving my rough start I was way more mature than guys my age. Quickly he said he was really jealous of my best friend And my family, when asked why? Because they'll always have you in their life?? I felt I always had to prove my love for him. If i spent anytime now with my friends "you love them More than me" or he would guilt trip me so badly I end up not going!! I used to be a model also, he came to most ignorant my shoots, would

sorry sent too fast ! Would come along to my shoots and on breaks would give me grief or dirty looks meaning I would not be comfortable rest of time. In end I hated it so much I gave up! I had a promising future! I fell pregnant fast had our son at 19 was given a second shot at modelling but again was pressured and called 24/7 I thought it's not worth it. He hated me going to gym etc, everything til now I literally do nothing! Barely see friends, don't ever socialise!! I do work but that's a fight constantly too, I've already given up a few jobs!! I know I sound pathetically weak but he is very persuasive sometimes I believe it's my ideas to begin with!! Anyway I'm so fed up now!!! I need a break! I have no idea how to get out this situation, he'll never leave he has it too easy! He does work but barely has money due to bills and overdrafts! I feel I'm always having look after us sometimes borrowing a large some from my dad!!! I'm so terribly unhappy but terrified it will upset the full house. He's all I've known I've never had any other serious relationships. Calls me every name under sun then says coz he's just angry and wants hurt me. I mean more to him than anything! Right now we have had a good few days, but I still can't help but feel I'm in wrong place. I need new life for my babies, I know they surely pick up on a lot of his behaviours! He is a good dad can be grumpy and lazy, but generally ok.

Help ladies please, I'm typing this in room quietly sorry for any errors *

Op, if you want to leave/end this relationship then tell him. If you are worried what he will do, then write him a note and leave.

Either way, you deserve a life you choose, as do dc’s.

What do you need to end it?

Practically- whose name is house in? Renting? Mortgage? Can either of you stay with friend/family?

It doesn’t sound good or healthy for you or dcs, sorry 😐

I don't know I just feel weighed down by guilt. No the flat is my name but his family (where he will go) are directly across the road. I just feel I can't escape, I'm trying to be moved have been for over a year but no luck yet!! He has accused me of fancying male family members including my own brother and his, I won't visit his family now due to this and they think it's me who's weird. Spoiled a family wedding for me due to saying I must be cheating, Its a fight anytime I want take my kids to my families parties or my best friends. I'm fed up having to fight to do things that seem so basic? When I meet new friends(work mates) they can't seem understand why I never go out, works nights, Xmas nights etc. If I do I leave early. Nothing's worth that hassle. At one point we had a 9pm ban on mobile phones. I was so sick before everyday thinking of it all, now it's stopped a good bit and I'm on iron tablets etc I'm starting feel a little stronger. I just don't know what do from here, I want kids grow up without this atmosphere but I don't want break they're family up either! They're my whole world I feel like such a pathetic weak mother and I know I need try for sake of them to get out this...