Would you tell friends and family about all the nasty things your STBX has done?

[neverbetrickedagain]

Hi there! Well basically the title says it all. My STBX has done really awful things and has me cornered at the moment. I just hate the idea that somebody thinks he is such a stand up guy. Am I such a terrible person for thinking this? We have children together, but they are small. It really makes me sad that they have such a person for a father (I have no intention of ever telling them that though).

If it's because you need to talk to people and get support then yes. He done the shitty things not you, you deserve to vent and talk about what happened to you with people you trust. Just make sure to protect the children as he is still their dad (as in people not bad mouthing him around the kids ect) but it's time to think about you now.

when he saw texts on my phone. I was ranting about him to a friend. He got all offended. I told him that if he hadn't done all those things, I wouldn't have anything to talk about.. Exactly. Mine got really annoyed that I had talked to friend or family etc and said there was no way we could move past it now (when I stupidly wanted to!) because I’d gone and blabbed about him calling me a c*. He was more concerned with what everyone else thought of him than what I thought of him. Calling me nasty names was ok but as soon as anyone else knew that he’d called me nasty names it was over.

I've been honest with people and most of them already had a pretty good idea - but my STBX is an alcoholic, and it's hard to hide that when you hit a certain stage. People have been great - no-one has taken sides, they have just accepted it and offered ongoing friendship and support to both of us in our separate lives. I really realise how lucky I have been in the people I have around me.

Yes I told people. I didn’t announce it, but if it came up in cannot nberaatilm or someone asked me I told them the truth. I was done hiding his behaviour and swore when I left I’d nevwr hide it again.

I wouldn’t ever bad mouth him to the dc but if they ever ask and are old enough they will get an age appropriate honest answer

Thanks to everyone for their replies, it means a lot! It makes me feel less guilty for having these feelings.
I'm not going to say anything bad about him to our kids. They will see all the selfishness of his as they grow older.