I hate being alone

[EverythingsDozy]

I am so fed up with being single. I'm 28 and it's been 4 years since my husband left me for another woman, who he is still with and has a 3 year old. We have two children now aged 7 and 5.
I don't get out much as he doesn't have the kids very often and I don't have a lot of friends I can go out with. I work full time alongside studying so I'm pretty busy.
I've been on online dating for over 6 months. Met a few guys for dates but nothing serious. I'm not completely tragic looking but don't seem to drum up much interest. I think having kids puts a lot of men off because their profiles suggest they won't entertain a woman with children. I met this one guy who I'd been speaking with for a few months, met a few times, and fell for him badly. A few weeks ago, he told me he didn't want to see me again and it devastated me. I can't stop thinking about him and how well things were going but I'm trying to move past it.
I just feel stuck. I'm so sick of being lonely. The kids are off today and we're sat in because I hate facing trips out alone. I'm sick of coming home every night to an empty house and having no one to talk to. I'm sick of being lonely.
I don't even know why I'm posting on here. Advice? How can I meet someone who cares about me the way I care about them? Will it ever happen??

Hi yes I know how you feel. I'm in a similar situation to you but his dad does have him more frequently. Did agreed access not get set up?
The usually is every other weekend and overnights?
Have you no family?
I have no family support - but as I take him to school I've made 2 friends who we sometimes spend time with.
Have you looked at Gingerbread - it's an organisation for single parents.
They have local groups that meet up.
I'm in London and there is a Meet Up group for single parents that meet monthly. I've not been though.
Another thing I do is I have children over for play dates - it helps keep my son occupied.
The holidays do really highlight the isolation. 🌺

Same here! I'm 29 and single, I have 4 kids and no family help and ex doesn't see them so dating is off the cards for me. I hate how lonely it is though and I look at other couples and feel sad/jealous. I do think a lot of men don't want a woman with kids. My family told me no man would want me now.

I've just done a placement in obstetrics so it's been so hard watching all the loved up couples enjoying the most exciting day of their lives together! It's been lovely, don't get me wrong, but I'm so jealous.
My sister keeps making snide remarks about the odd time I get a night off, saying that she never gets a night off with her husband, but what she doesn't realise is that I would trade all my nights off for quiet nights in with a man I loved.
My ex MIL once said that my ex BILs girlfriend had "baggage". And now I have "baggage" because of what her son did. He last picked his kids up in February last year. I've got no chance of finding someone, have I?

Completely understand.

It's so hard to meet people now as well.

I'm mid 30's and on my own with three, me ex husband has moved on twice over and because of the latest move only sees the children for three days and one over night a month.

I've been on dating sites for well over 12 months now and had one date! Clearly I'm doing something wrong.

Loneliness is a killer but I don't know how to change it either. Do you meet many people through work?

Hi OP. A few thoughts from me. I'm 37, lone parent due to DH dying when I was 33. My girls are 3 and 7. I have dated and had a relationship since, was tough when that ended. I don't find the kids put men off as such, as most guys my age have children or at least expect that a woman they meet will. I have recently re-framed my thoughts on dating and realised that:

a) I have a house, my kids and a good career, I don't need a man to build a life with..so I can take my time to find someone who meets my standards

b) Most men my age are dull. I'm not settling for that!

I think your age probably makes thinks tricky for you as most men your age won't have kids yet or will want kids of their own. Plus, there are very few decent single men 28-38 range as this is the time ppl tend be in their first marriages.

So yup, meeting someone is tricky right now but I think it will become easier as you get older and also your kids will become more independent. Or fate could takeover and you meet someone tomorrow!

Even if there were single men who wanted single mums at work, I'm not actually allowed to date them anyway!
I'm a student and so anyone who can sign me off is a no go as it looks shady. I'm on a cohort of about 20, 3 men, all taken (and none really my type anyway).

Haha thank you grobags. I've thought this myself to be honest. I've looked for older men (think 35-40 so not loads older) who already have kids but they all say I'm too young for them!
I know what I want, he just doesn't want me back!

OP I think you are amazing. It's a shame you don't seem to.

You are working, studying, and being a single parent, and that takes loads of energy and commitment.

I reckon if you realised just how brilliant you are, you wouldn't be so focussed on getting a partner.

Being single is bloody great, I love it. You said you didn't take your DC out because you didn't want to go out alone, but you wouldn't be alone would you? You would have the Dc with you.

If you can build up your self esteem maybe you would enjoy your own company more and be happier overall? And just when you get to that point, some bastard bloke will come along to ruin it all

Have you thought about getting a more active social life with the kids to begin with, as you can't get out at night much? Join groups, go on days out, you will meet people and make friends, and who knows they might have single brothers/friends?

If you get any spare time, try doing a sport/hobby, as dating sites tend to attract those wanting one night stands and feeling they can pick and choose as there are so many women looking. The single men you will find in a cycling club for example might be the type who are looking for relationships and not just sex.

You are far too young to just give up though! You have a good fifty/sixty years left. It is possible to find a decent man when you have kids, but you have to work at making yourself available and putting yourself out there with no expectations to begin with. Good luck!

If it's any consolation as a 39 y/o father of one it's very tough. (50/50 custody)

I have good job, house, not ugly, well liked. Very little interest from other women even just to talk to me.

My ex can go on tinder and get a new date each week. I can go on tinder and be lucky to get a single conversation after months.

Could you babysit for your sister and vice versa so you both get a night out?

It's the "alone-with-the-kids" that frightens me. I can do alone alone, but everything feels that much harder when you're trying to chase two kids around and I just don't enjoy it.
And i would babysit for my sister but she never asks (and then complains when no one babysits for her...) and it would mean having 5 kids on my own (she has 3) which I'm not sure I could manage.
My mum is very good but she helps day to day when I'm still at work and my childminder finishes, so I couldn't ask her to have them on the weekend too.
I know everyone says there is someone out there for everyone, I'm just struggling to see it right now!

I use to go to an event I went two years in a row and both times I was the ONLY single parent, yeh my kids were there but I was still (a)lone, I don't think people realise how down that can get you sometimes.

I have never had my own children, and when my marriage broke down I knew that I would never ever meet up with a woman with children. Well, guess what, I have been with my partner for fifteen years and am a father to her three children. There were the best thing that ever happened to me.

Please do not think that men don't want a woman with children. They may be fearful of the situation, but see yourself as someone who is truly valuable and someone out there will fall for you (and your children).

Thanks xpc. It's just really hard on online dating because it's the first thing you see. If a man is certain he doesn't want a woman with kids, he'll close my profile down the minute he catches it. I'm not awful looking but I'm nothing special. No one who doesn't want a woman with kids is going to look at me and change their mind.
I feel being single is so isolating. School holidays are a killer.