Dh very distant from D's.He didn't say happy.birthday to him.What can I do?

[whatisforteamum]

Dh has never been close to D's.He used to take dd.places.and it was obvious that they shared to same interests and music.Dd was more confident.
Then D's told us he was gay.I suspected.and respected.him more for telling us.Dh was shocked.and took time to.adjust to the idea. This week was his birthday he is still.a teen and lives at home.I bought and wrapped.a.few.presents and asked dh to buy his favourite sweets.
On the day dh went to work at 5 am so I suspected he would call as we all work shifts.D's went out all night then then following eve was there with dh when I got home at 1030.
I asked dh have you spoken to D's and he hadn't.
D's told me he is upset with dh for not wishing him happy birthday all he did was add to a three dd started on Facebook.Thread**.
I love D's to bits and hate to see him hurt.Help.

.. or just my son

You’ve been posting about him for years what do you want anyone else to say?

Why don’t you suggest family councilling fit them?

I'm struck by the fact that you have assumed we would say that'Birthdays aren't important to everyone' and we'd even say that you son is a mummy's boy

I don't think anyone reading your thread would say that. You are saying those things. And I think you are saying them because you don't want to face the truth, or because they are things your H says and you've bought into his way of thinking.

It's pretty clear we think your H's behaviour is indefensible. You just need to believe it. And not get annoyed at people on here as a deflection

I know it can be very hard to leave an abusive relationship, always a reason to put it off but I think you and your son would really benefit if you just bite the bullet.

I've not read your other posts but from this thread.
Your DH is abusing your son.
Not acknowledging your child/teenager's birthday is emotional abuse.
Picking one child over the other and doing lots for that one and not the other is emotional abuse (of both children).

As a parent, you chose to have children. Your duty is to your children. Whatever else has gone on in the past, however hard your life is, its not about you. Its about your children.
Your duty is to protect your children and that means leaving.

So money will be tight and you have to move. Fine. Better to be poor but in a supportive non abusive environment.
You work and it sound's like your DH works (you'll get maintenance) you won't starve.

Leave to protect your children. Its about them not you.

OP, you make out that your DH is treating DS horribly but you're colluding in it by knowingly subjecting your DS to it.

Not only does your poor DS have to deal with having an arsehole for a father, he's also got a mother who seemingly doesn't care enough to put a stop to it.

I'm not saying you don't care, as obviously you started this thread, but if I were your DS, the message I would take from your inaction would be that my feelings aren't important enough to you.

*you're colluding in it by knowingly subjecting your DS to it.

Not only does your poor DS have to deal with having an arsehole for a father, he's also got a mother who seemingly doesn't care enough to put a stop to it.

I'm not saying you don't care, as obviously you started this thread, but if I were your DS, the message I would take from your inaction would be that my feelings aren't important enough to you.*

This

My darling son is 19.I say perhaps turning 19 texting on a thread is adequate enough.I don't think it is at all.I work with predominately men some of who would tell me to let D's grow up.Personally I was still hurt when dh went away just before my 50th with his mates.

Where I live the housing market is the roof in recent years.Rent would be the majority of my wage.Or I could rent a room without DS.
I only asked advice about the two of them as I was certain someone would be experienced similar.
Dd left home and doesn't think I'm weak for staying.She thinks her dfs behaviour is odd and just him.

Op , it's no good keep posting and asking for advice when you seem to then make excuses and ignore the advice. It is hard to go it alone but not as hard as staying and coping with the stress of a knob of a husband.

What equity do you have in your current house? If you sold it and split the proceeds what would you be left with?

I can't understand living in same home as someone but thinking adding to a birthday thread on social media is the only effort required??

Unrelated housemates who perhaps can't stand each other would possibly resort to it.
Your DS deserves better than this crap.
Your Dh clearly doesn't see himself as a parent hes a self absorbed man

Leaving would mean you are no longer carrying the mental load for this mans behaviour.
Your DS deserves to be shown by one parent that this sort of treatment is unacceptable and will no longer be normalized as 'just who he 'Dh' is'