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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I am thinking of ending my marraige

3 replies

mm2one · 30/03/2018 01:40

Hello all. I posted a while ago about the emotional affair my wife was having or I thought she was having. I don't know anymore. She denied it and always claimed it was nothing. She claims she blocked the person and is not in contact with him. I am sort of over it and don't care anymore about it or what she does.

Anyways, my issue is this. This whole think happened in January 2018. I went through the pain and depression and seemed to have come out of it. But the problem I am having is, I feel much better. I lost a lot of weight. I am going to the gym. Feeling better than I ever did about myself. But I am now not feeling well in my marraige.

I was seeing a counselor. She helped a lot. She also put a lot of questions to be and made me think really hard about them. Questions like what is the worst that could happen if my marriage were to end and what is the best that could happen if my marriage were to be the most ideal marriage I ever wanted in my life.

These questions have been rolling around in my mind a lot. Especially the one about what could be the worst that could happen if my marriage ends.

I am starting to wonder if I could do much better than my wife a lot. She never did really take what I felt very seriously and things are just not the same anymore for me in this marriage. I dont feel like myself anymore. I tried to over compensate by pretending I am madly in love with her more than I have ever been, but I don't really feel that way. I have been hoping that if I acted and pretended I would start to feel that way. But it's just not working for me. I keep looking at her and into her eyes and I don't feel like I am the same person I was before Jan 2018 and I don't feel I think she is the same person I have been married to anymore.

It this the feelings one gets when they are about to leave a marraige? Anyone have any thoughts?

No I can't go back to taking more about the EA she had. She is fed up about talking about it and it makes her mad going back to talking about it. And quite franking I am tied of talking about it as well. Its just this thing that happened in the past and it is resolved in the quasi-resolved unresolved state that it is.

OP posts:
CookieDoughKid · 30/03/2018 01:44

How long have you been married? It's OK to fall in and out of love in marriage. Thathe whole deeply madly in love feeling isn't always sustainable on its own. Marriage requires nurturing both sides...a slow burning love.

Have you tried booking a holiday together to try and rediscover yourselves? Worth a shot before you call it a day....

mm2one · 30/03/2018 01:46

married for almost 17 years. 2 children.

I dont feel the same anymore in this marriage since the EA. Its so stupid because it seems that it was not physical -- but I dont feel the same anymore. I dont blindly trust her anymore. Every time I look at her I keep wondering who she really is.

OP posts:
PrizeOik · 30/03/2018 01:50

You have one precious life op. I wouldn't waste it with someone you don't feel close to and who doesn't want to talk about things that have upset you.

Just the one life...

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